What's My Line - Episode #225
 

WHAT’S MY LINE? – EPISODE #225 – September 19, 1954

NOTES
This was the first episode of "What’s My Line" to be broadcast in color. While most of the series' 17 year run (1950 – 1967) was preserved in black-and-white kinescope, neither a color recording nor a kinescope of this episode is extant.

UPDATE: A partial transcript of the episode was recently discovered, and is reproduced below.

STARS
* Dorothy Kilgallen
* Steve Allen
* Arlene Francis
* Bennett Cerf
* John Daly (host)

Game 1: "Runs School for Bartenders" (name unknown)
Game 2: "Professor of Archaeology" (name unknown – UPDATE: SEE BELOW)
Game 3: Robert Young (Mystery Guest)
Game 4: "Sells Ladies’ Bathing Suits" (name unknown)

(no transcript of introductions or first contestant)

DALY
Would the next challenger come in and sign in please?

(contestant enters, signs in as "Henry Jones, Jr.")

DALY
Henry... Jones... Junior

JONES (smiles nervously)
That’s right

DALY
And where do you hail from?

JONES
Well, I’m cur... uh... Bedford, Connecticut.

DALY
Ah, I’ve been through there once or twice. Lovely in the fall. Now, please Mr. Jones, come sit down over here... that’s right. Are you familiar with how the game works? No? Well, it’s quite simple. Answer "yes" or "no". Every "no" and we flip a card. Ten "no’s" and you’ve won the game. Good? Then let’s reveal to those with us in the theater and the audience at home what your line is.

(title card: "Professor of Archaeology")

(applause from audience)

DALY
All right. We’ll start the questioning with... Miss Kilgallen.

KILGALLEN
Oh! Well... Mr. Jones, is there a product involved in what you do?

JONES
(wry smile) No, ma’am.

DALY
That’s one down and nine to go. Mr. Allen?

ALLEN
Hrm... so you deal in a service then?

JONES
Yes, you could call it that.

ALLEN
I could? Well, I could call many things a service, so that doesn’t help me much. Let’s see... Do you work with people? I mean, do you talk to people when you’re performing this service?

JONES
Sometimes.

ALLEN
Sometimes? I wonder how you perform the service when there aren’t people. Hmmm... now there’s a thought. Does your service ever bring you in contact with animals?

JONES
Sometimes

(DALY shoots JONES a look, but says nothing.)

ALLEN
Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. I don’t know where, but we’re getting there. Let me guess... these aren’t the sorts of animals we’d keep as pets, are they?

JONES
No, no they’re not.

DALY
Now just a moment (Whispers to JONES. JONES whispers back. DALY looks puzzled for a beat, then nods.) Ah... I see. So: yes, these aren’t the sorts of animals you’d keep as pets, no. You may keep going, Mr. Allen.

ALLEN
(blinking and adjusting glasses) Okay... now I’m feeling like we’re being led somewhere. All right. Mr. Jones, do these animals help you in your work?

JONES
No, I wouldn’t say they do.

DALY
That’s two down and eight to go, Miss Francis.

FRANCIS
Well now... Mr. Jones, you look as though you spend a great deal of time outside. Does your work keep you out of doors, often?

JONES
Yes it does.

FRANCIS
Wonderful! Now let’s see... out of doors... works with animals...

KILGALLEN
And people sometimes

FRANCIS
And people, yes.

DALY
Now, now, there has been no call for a conference.

KILGALLEN
Sorry, John

FRANCIS
Animals and people, but not friendly animals. Oh... are these perhaps unfriendly animals? The kind you wouldn’t want to be around? Or at least, I wouldn’t want to be around?

JONES
(smiles broadly) No... I mean, yes, you probably wouldn’t want to be around most of them.

DALY
There, see, he’s got it.

FRANCIS
(smiling back) Oh... now I’m thinking of creepy-crawlies and slimy things... um... Snakes! Do you have anything to do with snakes?

JONES
(turning pale) No! No snakes. Not snakes.

DALY
(concerned glance at JONES) That would be, er, three down and seven to go. Mr. Cerf?

CERF
Thank you, John. Mr. Jones... Beford is a college town, is it not?

JONES
(relaxing) Yes.

CERF
That’s... er... Marshall College, is it not?

JONES
Yes it is.

CERF
Do you have anything whatever to do with the college?

JONES
(smiling wryly) Yes, I do.

CERF
Oh ho! But you work out of doors with animals...

FRANCIS
Sometimes!

CERF
Yes.... Well, you have a distinguished look about you. (chuckle from audience) Do you have a professional affiliation with the college?

JONES
Yes.

CERF
Are you a member of the faculty?

JONES
Yes

CERF
Do you teach at the college?

JONES
Yes

CERF
Well then... I’m still thinking of the animals. Are you a professor?

JONES
Yes

CERF
A professor of... well, let me hedge my bet... either of zoology or veterinary medicine?

JONES
(chuckles) No

DALY
That’s four down and six to go. Miss Kilgallen?

KILGALLEN
A professor, hmm? Oh... so do you have a title other than "Mister Jones"?

JONES
Yes I do.

KILGALLEN
Is it "doctor"?

JONES
Yes

KILGALLEN
Dr. Jones.... (tapping her chin with her finger) Oh! Oh!

FRANCIS
I think Dorothy my have a weenie. (laughter from audience)

KILGALLEN
John, I think I know who it is! In fact... I think I met Dr. Jones once!

DALY
Are you going to take a guess?

KILGALLEN
No... that wouldn’t be fair. I’ll... recuse myself. Oh, this could be such fun...

DALY
(confusedly glancing at JONES, who is grinning at KILGALLEN) Well... then over to you, Mr. Allen

ALLEN
(looking at KILGALLEN) A fun professor, huh? Well, then, Dr. Jones... are we trying to determine exactly what you are a professor of?

DALY
Well, that would be his line, yes.

ALLEN
I see. You spend a lot of time outdoors.... Do you travel much?

JONES
I get around.

ALLEN
Hrm, you’ve probably visited the most exotic... libraries around the world then. (chuckles from audience) Well, do you do research when you travel?

JONES
Sometimes, yes.

ALLEN
For some reason I just can’t see you sitting in a library and reading... Do you use any tools for your research?

JONES
(smiling) Yes

ALLEN
I see. But it’s not on animals or Bennett would have gotten something... Do the animals perhaps get in your way when you’re doing research?

JONES
Sometimes

ALLEN
I see. I bet you’re out in the jungle, fending off savage beasts with a whip in one hand and a gun in the other, on your way to those libraries. (laughter from audience; KILGALLEN has a wide grin and shifts with excitement) But seriously... uh... does your research perhaps involve different languages?

JONES
Sometimes

ALLEN
Well then... uh... do you teach languages?

JONES
No, not usually.

DALY
No, I wouldn’t say that’s germane to Dr. Jones line. Five down and five to go. Miss Francis?

FRANCIS
(eyes twinkling) Well my good doctor... when you travel, do you bring things back?

JONES
I try to, yes.

FRANCIS
Special things?

JONES
Sometimes.

FRANCIS
I mean, things that other people would like to see?

JONES
Yes.

FRANCIS
And do they get to see them?

JONES
Usually.

FRANCIS
But sometimes not?

JONES
(looks pained) Sometimes it’s out of my control.

FRANCIS
I see... well, would these things end up in a museum?

JONES
Usually, yes.

FRANCIS
Oh... do you dig things up? (audience chuckles)

JONES
Sometimes.

ALLEN
Communists! He digs up communists for Senator McCarthy! (loud, then nervous laughter from audience) Sorry, I’m sorry, John, Arlene.

DALY
If you will please keep your outbursts to yourself, Mr. Allen. Miss Francis, please proceed.

FRANCIS
Well then.... Do you dig things up from the dirt? Bennett, what’s that called?

CERF
"Excavate"

FRANCIS
Right, do you excavate things?

JONES
Yes.

FRANCIS
So you dig things up from old tombs and such?

JONES
Yes.

FRANCIS
Oh, goodie! Now... what’s that called? A professor of... like Howard Carter?

(audience claps a bit)

JONES
Actually, I met him, when I was just a kid. You see...

DALY
Now, now, don’t help them. Miss Francis, would you like to take a guess?

FRANCIS
I would but I can’t think of the word! I pass to Bennett.

DALY
All right, Mr. Cerf?

CERF
Well then, Dr. Jones. Let’s try this again. Are you either an archaeologist or an anthropolologist [sic]?

JONES
Yes.

CERF
Well! Let’s see my luck holds out... Are you then a professor of... archaeology?

JONES
(smiling) Yes

(applause from audience)

DALY
Yes, Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. is a Professor of Archaeology at Marshall College, isn’t that correct?

JONES
Yes, it is.

CERF
What I want to know is how Dorothy knows a professor of archaeology?

KILGALLEN
(blushing) Well, he is rather famous...

CERF
A famous archaeologist?

KILGALLEN
Well, he has done rather a lot of... important research. We met at a party here in New York many years ago... though I think he was introduced to me as... oh, do you remember that, "Indiana"?

JONES
(smiling) I certainly do.

DALY
Well then, that’s a "well done" to the panel, and Dr. Jones walks away with twenty-five dollars. Thank you for playing; would you say goodbye to the panel on your way out? (stands)

JONES
Thank you.

(audience applauds as JONES walks to the panel. BENNETT nods to JONES as they shake hands. FRANCIS has been glancing accusingly at KILGALLEN, stands and shakes JONES hand, squinting at him. ALLEN looks distracted while shaking. KILGALLEN stands on tip-toes and gives JONES a peck on the cheek as they shake hands.)

DALY
We’ll meet our mystery guest right after a word from our sponsor.

(transcript ends)