Dr. Gonzo said:
That's a nice breakdown Lao.
The man we really need input on from your panel breakdown is the artist himself, since a comic panel breakdown isn't really my arena of knowledge... What do you think JuniorJones?
This is just my thoughts on panel layout and some of the ideas I would like to put forward that will change that will change the emphasis of Brauner, so it up to Dr Gonzo if he wants to keep them. Otherwise I'll revert back to Lao Layout
Alright, here are my panel sugestions for you on part two, which I love by the way Gonzo. Nice job.
PART TWO
PANEL 1: full page ws of the stone chamber (credit sand title included)
(for a second I thought you mean't credits in the sand, which bizarrely I though was a good idea!) Full page fine, with focus on brauner
INT. ICE CAVE - STONE CHAMBER - DAY
PANEL 2: CU of Brauner
I would do a long panel with a mid-shot of Brauner and a close-up of Indys reaction in the forground. This would lead nicley into the next panel
BRAUNER
It is clear that the allies are aware of our existence with them having sent two of their operatives.
PANEL 3: MS of Indy and Mac being held by two germans. Brauner's back is also in the panel.
I would go for a close up of Indy face
INDIANA JONES
We didn’t come for you.
PANEL 4: MS of Brauner
with the back of indy in view
BRAUNER
And what did you come for? Perhaps this?
PANEL 5: diagonal panel: CU of Snapping fingers
Brauner snaps his fingers.
I wouldn't have Brauner snap is fingers, I would have him say something politely in german to one of the soilders. I would like the emphasis of Brauner changed, less of someone who revels in his evil but someone who uses it as a last nessesity, in fact he'd rather not use it at all but the overall arc could be that he needs to.
PANEL 6: Opposite Diagonal: WS of guard's sillhouettes coming out of a smaller chamber with the sillhouette of a woman being held.
BRAUNER (CONT’D)
Perhaps this?
PANEL 7: WS of the guards bringing Elaine out of the chamber, in this panel also are; Indy, Mac, the soldiers holging them, and Brauner.
Two more GUARDS appear from another smaller chamber. They have a woman with them... ELAINE BEAUDETTE.
PANEL 8: CU of Brauner's face giving an evil grin.
No, grin. I would have a slightly embarrassed look
BRAUNER (CONT’D)
I believe you have all ready met Fräulein Beaudette.
PANEL 9: CU of Indy's eyes with a surprised and happy expression to them.
I think a mid shot of Indy and Mac reaction as they both know her
INDIANA JONES
Elaine?
PANEl 10: CU of Elaine's eyes " "
I would take the opportunity to do a good beauty shot of Elaine.
ELAINE
(with french accent)
Indy!
PANEL 11: MS of Mac with a sarcastic expression
MACHALE
Long time no see, Frenchie.
PANEL 12: MS of Brauner
BRAUNER
Fraulein Beaudette has been aiding us with the recovery of something very special.
PANEL 13: Brauner pointing at soldiers
(in German, to the soldiers)
Put them all away.
I'd add "I'm sorry", and the in german "Put them away".
PANEL 14: WS of soldiers taking Jones, Mac, and Elaine to a chamber.
PANEL 15: MS of Indy, Mac, and Elaine
The soldiers take them to the other smaller chamber. Elaine, MacHale and Indy are all placed inside.
PANEL 16: Same MS but with Bars in front of them "cling"
A rigged bar door closes on them. They are confined in a make-shift prison cell.
PANEL 17: The back of Indy as Elaine hugs him
Elaine embraces Indy.
ELAINE
Oh Indy, you found me.
PANEL 18: CU Indy's face,
I would add Indy still hugging with a surprised look on his face.
PANEL 18b: Indy pulls he self back, with a slight smile on his face.
INDIANA JONES: Yes, we found you!!.
I think this would be a great opportunity for Elaine to question INDY and MAC, How they knew she was here. We could have them make up a stupid story. Until Indy admits it was an accident
INDIANA JONES
Are you hurt?
PANEL 19: WS of the three of them in a the prison cell now standing.
If you follow my previous logic, the next line could be "Well, I'm fine, Rescuers" Leave out the "good to see you mac" and have mac say "all part of the service, Love!!" istead of "Hello, Love
ELAINE
I’m fine. .
(pause)
Good to see you too Mac.
MACHALE
Hello love.
PANEL 20: MS of Indy with his hands on Elaine's shoulders
INDIANA JONES
What’s going on here? What did they have you do?
PANEL 21: CU Elaine
ELAINE
They had me translate some writing, Aramaic. The writing warns of the horrible wrath that god himself will unleash upon humanity when the dead are resurrected. It sounded very much like what the book of Revelations describes happens on earth during the events of the rapture. An apocalyptic nightmare.
PANEL 22: Indy
INDIANA JONES
Do you know what they're after?
PANEL 23: CU of elaine pulling a map out of her pocket
ELAINE
No, but I know where they are going after this. They’re going to Jerusalem. The Mount of Olives.
PANEL 24: WS of Prison cell (full page
INDIANA JONES
Mount of Olives? That’s supposedly where--
ELAINE
Jesus incarnate will come down from heaven when the --
MACHALE
When the end of the world begins?
INDIANA JONES
Right.
So that's waht I think could be done for panel layout on the second chapter. You can add some or take some.
Overall, it's cool. I've changed bit not because of your breakdown but to change the emphasis of scenes to get better acting shots.