Did I screw up badly?

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Ok here's the problem. I don't know what to do. One day everything's great we spend time together and all that good stuff. Than a few days later I get the "were taking things to fast" thing and I never initiated anything in the first place. I'm at a loss here folk's. Should I just give up? :(
 

Mickiana

Well-known member
Give up trying too hard. Im going to try reading a bit into your problem, which means reflecting myself onto you, but your jealousy previously mentioned kind of makes me think you are not confident. That is neither good nor bad, but it does have effects. Women love confidence in a man. Work on yourself and build yourself up. This new confidence doesn't necessarily come from looks, but comes mainly from having a secure attitude about yourself.

Invest in yourself in having interests outside of your relationships. That is not to say you deliberately exclude a partner, but if you try to make everything hinge off them, well, that is going to become a lead weight to her.

Cease the neediness, if that is what you may be doing. I learned this after years of protracted up and down relationships. My first love was a tortuous time. I was so in love and she too. But I placed her in the centre of my world instead of myself. A couple of years on and we degenerated into a cycle of breaking up daily. Eventually I had a revelation. I came to truly not care, so sick I was of the fights and battles and conflicts. I did not care if we continued or didn't continue. I hit the bottom of the barrel and it was great. I had exhausted the clingy, needy, insecure bloke inside me and banished him.

Her reaction to this was astounding as I did not foresee it. She immediately fought to keep me, seeing that I did not care. Whether she wanted me or wanted the conflict to continue I will never know. The relationship did not continue. I was over it and she was too. We had made conflict and difference such a marked and habitual part of our relationship that a good one could never be built on top of it.

We had love for each other, but we were both young, stubborn and idealistic and I was especially immature. I was jealous many, many times, but that came from my great insecurities. I have relearned this lesson over and over again, meaning I haven't fully learned it. I am still learning it. I don't know if there is an end to it.

All I can say is: work on yourself. A relationship is only as good as the things we bring to it and those things are from within ourselves. Confidence in yourself will inspire confidence in you from others, not just partners but also many of the people you will encounter.
 

Violet

Moderator Emeritus
Nurhachi1991 said:
Ok here's the problem. I don't know what to do. One day everything's great we spend time together and all that good stuff. Than a few days later I get the "were taking things to fast" thing and I never initiated anything in the first place. I'm at a loss here folk's. Should I just give up? :(

She's not sure of herself. And that may not be a reflection of you or any previous behaviour. If she was sure of her feelings, she wouldn't worry about how fast things are going. If this is the same girl as the one you posted about earlier, Hachi, I'd say she hasn't been sure of herself for a long while.

Time apart might be what the doctor ordered. You're still young too. Enjoy it.
 
She didn't want to buy you a Christmas present.

...or give you one.
Nurhachi1991 said:
I'm at a loss here(
Cut your losses.
Montana Smith said:
...and oddly enough, I think the Foreign Legion just closed it's doors for enlistment. :D
After this debacle I understand why!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/k9sAZvZcluk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 

Finn

Moderator
Staff member
I'd say 'hachi would certainly notice his state of life improving if he'd just sort of stop caring about minuscule things like these and just learn to go with the stride.


These are of course deeply rooted mental patterns and I'm fully aware one can't do that with just a snap of the fingers though. A good step in the right direction would be however for one to learn how to sort out his own head instead of looking for a quick fix of advice in the web.

Since the real world is a boring place and none of us are capable in magic tricks, the overall goal described there can be a lengthy process. Any friendly The Raven moderator however could do a little something to help nudge our friend in the right direction...
 

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Montana Smith said:
...and oddly enough, I think the Foreign Legion just closed it's doors for enlistment. :D


So I can't be Henry Defense?


Oh well I guess the best way to go is to hate everything and not care about anyone. Whats the point in caring if all it brings is pain? :hat:
 

The Drifter

New member
Nurhachi1991 said:
So I can't be Henry Defense?


Oh well I guess the best way to go is to hate everything and not care about anyone. Whats the point in caring if all it brings is pain? :hat:

Hey, Nurch'?
I'm still the biggest fan!

No idea if you remember that or not, just trying to cheer you up!
 

Montana Smith

Active member
Nurhachi1991 said:
So I can't be Henry Defense?

Not quite.

But you can't be Beau Geste either.

It might be for the best...

Guy14.jpg


:hat:
 

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Ahh another chapter in my miserable thread :) But this time I have a question.


If you have already shown the girl that your insecure about stuff ex. The two of you are not dating but you still get kinda bothered when she goes out places or to social gathering's and such. Can you still turn it around and show her that your a Steve and not a Stu?!
 

Stoo

Well-known member
Montana Smith said:
That's Dean Stockwell's big brother. Legionnaire extraordinaire!
Ha! That's from the 1966 version of "Beau Geste" (not the best version of the tale but still worthy)!(y)
Nurhachi1991 said:
If you have already shown the girl that your insecure about stuff ex. The two of you are not dating but you still get kinda bothered when she goes out places or to social gathering's and such. Can you still turn it around and show her that your a Steve and not a Stu?!
Don't be insecure and just be cool like a Stu would be (screw the "Steve" bullcrap). Don't forget, Nurhachi...there are a MILLION fish in the sea!(y)
 

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Thanks Stoo. Haha that's my problem I guess I just fall for the first girl that likes me back -_- Really gotta grow up haha.


I think things are a done deal but oh well.
 

Violet

Moderator Emeritus
Nurhachi1991 said:
Ahh another chapter in my miserable thread :) But this time I have a question.


If you have already shown the girl that your insecure about stuff ex. The two of you are not dating but you still get kinda bothered when she goes out places or to social gathering's and such. Can you still turn it around and show her that your a Steve and not a Stu?!


Oh, 'Hachi, why must you do this to yourself?

If she's keeping you up in the air she's not interested. Simple. She may claim she's confused but really- she just doesn't know what she wants. You far better off, looking elsewhere. In fact, I'd even suggest don't bother looking for it at all. There's still time for that. And in any case, most people that I've seen in happy relationships were people who weren't really looking at the time they met.
 

The_Raiders

Well-known member
Violet said:
Oh, 'Hachi, why must you do this to yourself?

If she's keeping you up in the air she's not interested. Simple. She may claim she's confused but really- she just doesn't know what she wants. You far better off, looking elsewhere. In fact, I'd even suggest don't bother looking for it at all. There's still time for that. And in any case, most people that I've seen in happy relationships were people who weren't really looking at the time they met.


Violet's right. Man, screw relationships. There's too much **** that comes along with it. This is how they go: You meet, you're infatuated because there's a few things you have in common, or she doesn't think you're a dork over something, she claims to be different, so do you, you're happy for a little bit, and then strange feelings start creeping in like "What if?" then jealousy sets in, and insecurity, and she's picking up on it the whole time, and getting spooked, and the next thing you know you don't even wanna get out of bed over a chick. I'm speaking from personal experience, yeah, but I think it goes the same way for a lot of dudes.
Besides, if you're not dying over a chick, you can do whatever you want without getting nagged. You can go out with your buds whenever you want. Drink until you puke (if you like taking it that far), get flaky chicks for play mates, you don't have to schedule dates, or lose any money. It's better all the way around.
 
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