Junior Jones said:
New adventures have been added to the timeline. (Stoo, I hope you don't mind. I added a link to your YouTube channel.)
Also a new episode of the
Young Indiana Jones Chronicles is up now:
Le Havre, June 1916.
Anyway, enjoy the new story and let me know what you think.
No, I don't mind the link. Any Young Indy fan who is hardcore enough to visit your site deserves to see the bookends. Now, onto your story...
Again, you've managed to capture the feel of the series tremendously. I could actually picture the scenes playing out in my mind. The historical references, as well as nods to other episodes in the series, make it believable & enjoyable.
Compliments & Questions
-Very cool that you included Emile and Jacques. (You also mentioned Flanders & Capt. Cote which was a nice, linear reference and a shade of things to come.)
-You used Jean Renoir well but I'm intrigued by this Donald Thompson fellow. I'm very interested in the early cinematographers of pre-WW1 battles (primarily the Boer War) but am not familiar with his name. A lot of familiar WW1 footage was staged for the camera so I'll be looking into this guy.
-The bookends were spot-on. Would these take place immediately before or after the ones for "London"?
-"Baudet": Is that Remy calling the Sgt. a donkey after a "Baudet de Poitou"?
-I actually LEARNED something! Not only was I unfamiliar with Donald Thompson but I NEVER KNEW that C.Chaplin was known as Charlot!
Critiques (purely technical):
-When Indy says, "Henri Defense, sir", he probably should have called him "Sergeant" instead of "Sir" since they were on parade.
-“What are filming for?” Jean asked. (Should have a "you", no?)
-Indy & Jacques having the rank of corporal. I've always imagined both of them being promoted in the field, in Flanders, rather than during basic training.
-Like you, I've always spelled Remy's last name as
Beaudoin (because I know some personally) but all legit references to his surname spell it as
Baudoin. Both are variations of the same family name.
By no means am I suggesting that you should fix those minor details but just wanted to point them out because I know you like learning about "stuff".
Junior Jones said:
Looking back over previous posts, I had forgotten about the offers to contribute. Stoo, I'd love to see covers for my stories. I did one in colored pencil for
Melbourne, but I'm obviously no artist. (I saw your mockup of a cover for the Jerusalem episode, and it's great.)
Thanks, Junior. Your artwork is pretty good for someone who is "obviously no artist". Yes, I would love to do some graphics for your Lost Tales (and ALL the other unfilmed episodes) but can't promise you anything soon. One thing's for sure is that is your stories are a rich starting point for image research.
So, what's on deck for your next project? I have some good info/images & the PERFECT MAP for "Jerusalem" should you ever decide to tackle that one (which should be LAST, in my opinion.
) It would be my pleasure to provide you with all the documentation I've collected.