The Adventures of Miles Cowperthwaite
Captain Ned: [ walking up ] Mr. Spunk! Have you spied land?
First Mate Spunk: I'm not sure! Somebody else get up here and look! If I say it's land, and we make for it and it's not, I'll get yelled for it!
Captain Ned: Alright! [ peers through telescope ]
Miles Cowperthwaite V/O: "What Mr. Spunk had sighted was not land at all, but a small, open boat. Which, upon closer inspection, was found to contain two remarkable passengers."
[ two women climb onboard The Raging Queen ]
Captain Ned: I am Captain Ned, of The Raging Queen! Tell me.. are there any males with you?
Madeline Warrington: No. Just my sister and I.
Ruth Warrington: Yes. My name is Ruth Warrington. This is my sister Madeline. We were crossing the West Indies, when pirates seized our ship. They took our entire crew prisoners.
Captain Ned: [ thinking ] Hmm.. Uh.. can you tell me, were these pirates manly and verile?
Madeline Warrington: They were contemptible animals, who subjected our ship's crew to the most unspeakable torture!
First Mate Spunk: Do you suppose these pirates might still be anywhere in the area.
Ruth Warrington: Yes. I'm afraid they may yet be very close..
Captain Ned: I see. [ runs to address his crew ] Men! There are pirates in these waters! Pirates who inflict hideous punishment to those who fall into their hands! [ crew oohs ] Now, we can turn tail and run. Or, we can take the many course, that which our manhood demands! Find these despots of discipline, and comfort them! What is your answer!!
Crew: Find the pirates!!
Captain Ned: So it will be done! Stand by to incur the waters!
Miles Cowperthwaite V/O: "Despite six months spent in the endevour, our search for the pirates proved unsuccessful. And so at length we put into port at Key West, where we took on a supply of omelet pans and did the costumes for a production of 'Take Her, She's Mine'. These were pleasant times. With Captain Ned ashore buying melons, discipline was less severe, and his trips to my cabin to comfort me less frequent. One night, however, as I lay in bed writing a letter to Lord Pinckley, I heard an unfamilair knock at my door."