anti-americanism?
monkey said:
Hey Andy,
I detect a bit of anti-americanism there, but I won't hold it against you, I like Brits. But that's enough politics.
Haha nah not really, but i got emailed this test below the other day, sort of sums up the outsiders view of the stereotypical american:
A quick test so you can find out if you are normal or American.
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do
you
break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering
pumped-up
inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park.
What
do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders,
a
marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of
orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over
a
rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it
died
quickly
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering,
whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an
awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer
in
an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst
screaming
about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs
sunny
side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs
and
a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married.
What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las
Vegas,
presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming
disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join
a
youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic
weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of
comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or Benny Hill
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the
audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a
superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight
wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's
dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and
sue
your wife's ass.
10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you
do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
(c) Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars, do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
(c) Continue to use and invent dirtier and bigger S.U.V's.
12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in
when
necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the
culprits to justice
(c) Invade the country flattening all buildings and fire at all
allied
and enemy airplanes .
14. You're on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
(c) Complain and whinge that the country that you are visiting is
nothing
like home. And drink Coca Cola.
Answers...
If you answered mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well
balanced
individual.
If you answered mostly (c)'s then sorry, you are an American.