Wanted - Artists and Writers for Indi Fan Comic Collective

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
Le Saboteur said:
Those were 'effing awful. Great art, but I cringed when reading them. If somebody was actually paid to write that, they should've done the honorable thing, and killed themselves.

I'm sorry that you didn't like them but I advise you to vist http://www.sevenpennynightmare.co.uk/ and see them in context. Another recommandtion is Alan Moore's Future Shock stories that were published in 2000AD.

Le Saboteur said:
Each segment is definitely self-contained, but those are far from complete stories.

At least you partly agree with the brief. We can discuss what constitues a "complete" story but that's not what I was asking for.

The brief is simple.

Writers - submit a 3-5 page self contained story but written in full script. Post for editorial comments.

Come on Le Saboteur, get on board and write me something.

Judging by your comments I'd be expecting big things but if it falls short of the 'effing awful' comics that you'll know what to do!:D :D
 

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
Come on! I know we have talented writers on the Raven who could ace a short piece. This could be such a fun project it seems a shame not to make it happen.:D :D
 

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
You did!

I adapted part of it into comic script format, as an example, but I think this is something that should come from you.

I would be then more than happy to have a 'pop' at illustrating it.
 

Dr. Gonzo

New member
I can take a crack at the next part of JasperJones' story, if he doesn't mind, and if you like.

Or I can write a short stand alone.

I'm a screenwriter and since its highly unlikely I'll ever produce an actually spec script for George Lucas and Spielberg reguarding the future of Dr. Jones (I'd probably decline that job offer if it did come up actually) this might be a way for me to get away from this other project I've been working on.
Hell, it might even be relaxing or enjoyable to write a short Indy story.

I'll trust you with the artistic aspect and the panels and such. I'll just send you a standard "film" script.
 
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JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
Dr. Gonzo said:
I can take a crack at the next part of JasperJones' story, if he doesn't mind, and if you like.

Or I can write a short stand alone.

I'm a screenwriter and since its highly unlikely I'll ever produce an actually spec script for George Lucas and Spielberg reguarding the future of Dr. Jones (I'd probably decline that job offer if it did come up actually) this might be a way for me to get away from this other project I've been working on.
Hell, it might even be relaxing or enjoyable to write a short Indy story.

I'll trust you with the artistic aspect and the panels and such. I'll just send you a standard "film" script.

No problem post the script or PM it to me. Any preference in style?
 
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Dr. Gonzo

New member
Wow those are breath-taking. I can see the words will be in good artistic hands, how ever you feel it looks best is fine with me. Give me a day or two... I'll post it.
 

Dr. Gonzo

New member
JuniorJones, I haven't started writing it yet due to work but I have a story suitable for comic pulp form. It is probably going to be a three or four part-er. I'll go ahead and write the first part now and get it out to you later today.
 

Dr. Gonzo

New member
Well here it is. Let me know if it's suitable. I have to get back to my other project (as it actually pays) but in a week or maybe a couple of days I can get down to writing the next one. Do what ever you like with it. I can't wait to see how you'll make this come to life JuniorJones.



PART ONE

FADE IN:

THE PARAMOUNT LOGO

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ISLAND IN THE SOUTH ATLANTIC - FROZEN BEACH - DAY

An ICEBERG shaped like the Paramount logo is drifting off the icy shore of an island, a frozen wasteland.

CAMERA PANS to the right of the iceberg.

A snow covered beach. A shelf of thin ice stretches out to the Atlantic Ocean. There are two sets of foot prints in the snow. They lead from the ice crusted shore to a small opening in the frozen rocky surface. A cave. A man made cave.

A light snow is falling on TWO GERMANS wearing Nazi uniforms. They are carrying machine guns and have made their way over to these foot prints on the snowy beach. They observe the foot prints. They speak to each other in German.

GERMAN 1
Fub Kunstdrucke. Was meinen Sie? (Foot prints. What do you think?)

GERMAN 2
Wir haben Eindringlingen. (We have intruders.)

CUT TO:

INT. ICE CAVE - SAME

The eerie blue color of the light reflecting off of the ice illuminates a figure. The shadowy outline of a MAN WEARING A FEDORA. ANOTHER MAN is traveling with him.

A legend appears:
SOUTH ATLANTIC, 1946

The dug out cavern begins to narrow into a tunnel. The two figures head for the strange orange glow of light at the end of the tunnel.

INT. ICE CAVE - TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

The warm light from the end of the tunnel finally reveals these figures to be INDIANA JONES and GEORGE MacHALE. Indy has rich full stubble facial growth, his leather jacket zipped up all the way. MacHale braves the cold with a heavily padded jacket. They pause. The tunnel isn’t very stable. Small pieces of ice and snow fall from the ceiling.

The sound of a gun being loaded emanates from behind them. CLICK.

MACHALE
Did you hear something Jonesy?

A voice from off screen.

GERMAN 2 (O.C.)
Guten tag. (Good day)

Indy and MacHale turn around to see that the two Germans are in the ice tunnel with them. The Germans have their guns aimed at them. MacHale spots swastikas on their arm bands.

MACHALE
Nazi’s?

Indy isn’t pleased to see them.

INDIANA JONES
The war is over boys.

GERMAN 2
(heavy accent)
Not for us.

INDIANA JONES
It is for everyone else. And by the way, you lost.

GERMAN 1
Hände nach oben! (Hands up!)

GERMAN 2
(heavy accent)
Drop your weapons.

Indy and MacHale put down their pistols. They raise their hands in the air.

MACHALE
Look, you blokes are a bit confused. Hitler is dead. Germany bloody surrendered!

GERMAN 2
Enough!

Indy eyes the pistol that MacHale secretly keeps hidden in back of the waist band of his trousers.

MACHALE
Easy now.

Suddenly Indy lunges for MacHale’s waist band pistol. He grabs it and fires at the Neo-Nazi’s.

One of the Germans is hit. The other German begins firing wildly.
The gun shots cause the tunnel to begin collapsing! Snow buries the other German. Indy and MacHale make a run for it.

INDIANA JONES
Go Mac! Go! Go!

An AVALANCHE of white powder comes crashing down behind them. The tunnel is collapsing right on their heels.
They jump out of the tunnel and into...

INT. ICE CAVE - STONE CHAMBER

... a chamber built out of solid stone. As they lift their heads off the ground and dust themselves off they realize that they aren’t alone in this stone chamber.

TEN NEO-NAZI’S are standing in front of them. Most of them already have their guns drawn. They have electric generators and lights set up. It looks like its a make-shift war room.

INDIANA JONES
(under his breath)
Sh*t.

One of the taller Neo-Nazi’s steps forward. This is the man in command, BRAUNER. He recognizes our heroes.

BRAUNER
George MacHale and the illustrious Indiana Jones. Or do you prefer Dr. Jones?

INDIANA JONES
Colonel Dr. Jones.

MACHALE
Retired Colonel Dr. Jones.

BRAUNER
A rare privilege to meet the both of you. I had a feeling that I should expect you here. My name is Brauner.
(to his men)
Search them.

Four Neo-Nazi’s move in on MacHale and Indy. Two grab MacHale and two of them grab Indy.

INDIANA JONES
(to MacHale, wry)
Is this Halloween or something?

MACHALE
Are you guys out of your gourds? The Nazi’s are over.

CLOSE ON: Brauner’s face.

BRAUNER
The Third Reich may be over, but another is on it’s way.

END OF PART ONE
 
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JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
I'm going to some thumbnails over the weekend but these are my initial thoughts.

PART ONE

FADE IN:

THE PARAMOUNT LOGO

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ISLAND IN THE SOUTH ATLANTIC - FROZEN BEACH - DAY

An ICEBERG shaped like the Paramount logo is drifting off the icy shore of an island, a frozen wasteland.

CAMERA PANS to the right of the iceberg.

A snow covered beach. A shelf of thin ice stretches out to the Atlantic Ocean. There are two sets of foot prints in the snow. They lead from the ice crusted shore to a small opening in the frozen rocky surface. A cave. A man made cave.

A light snow is falling on TWO GERMANS wearing Nazi uniforms. They are carrying machine guns and have made their way over to these foot prints on the snowy beach. They observe the foot prints. They speak to each other in German.

Nice idea with the iceberg but the pan is difficult to convey. I would simply do this as one panel.

PAGE 1. PANEL 1 - ISLAND IN THE SOUTH ATLANTIC - FROZEN BEACH - DAY

(Low angle) In the background we see an ICEBERG shaped like the Paramount logo is drifting off the icy shore of an island, a frozen wasteland. Below is a snow covered beach. A shelf of thin ice stretches out to the Atlantic Ocean. In the foreground there are two sets of foot prints in the snow leading towards a small opening in the frozen rocky surface. A cave . A man made cave.

A light snow is falling on TWO GERMANS wearing Nazi uniforms. They are carrying machine guns and have made their way over to these foot prints on the snowy beach. They observe the foot prints. They speak to each other in German.


PANEL 2 - MID SHOT

GERMAN 1
Fub Kunstdrucke. Was meinen Sie? (Foot prints. What do you think?)

GERMAN 2
Wir haben Eindringlingen. (We have intruders.)

(at this point I wouldn't cut to indy and Mac, I would show a few panel of the GERMAN leading us to them with a bit of exposition.)


PANEL 3

GERMANS enter the cave

GERMAN 1
Wollen wir nachforschen(Lets investigate)

GERMAN 2
Ja, Laden Sie Ihre Pistole und zünden Sie die Fackel (Yes, Load your gun and light the torch)


PANEL 4

The dug out cavern begins to narrow into a tunnel. The GERMANS head for the strange orange glow of light at the end of the tunnel.


GERMAN 1
Es gibt Leute außer dem Loch (There are people beyond the hole)

GERMAN 2
Bereitmachen (Get Ready)


PANEL 5

The GERMANS enter a larger area. The CAMERA is focus on them alone with them facing forward, guns raised draped with the shadow figures of INDIANA JONES and GEORGE MacHALE. Silhouette of INDI and MAC are in the foreground.

GERMAN 2
Guten tag. (Good day)

INDIANA JONES
Nazi's. The war is over boys.

PANEL 6

CAMERA from over the shoulders of the NAZI'S facing INDI AND MAC looking bemused. We can see INDI and MAC weapons on the floor.

GERMAN 2
(heavy accent)
Not for us.

INDIANA JONES
It is for everyone else. And by the way, you lost.


PANEL 7 ? MID SHOT

GERMAN 1
Hände nach oben! (Hands up!)

Panel 8 ? OVER GERMANS 1 Shoulder
INDI looks to getting a weapons

GERMAN 2
(heavy accent)
Don?t touch those weapons.

MacHale is rasing his hands in the air.

MACHALE
Look, you blokes are a bit confused. Hitler is dead. Germany bloody surrendered!


PANEL 9

CAMERA From the back of INDI and GEORGE MACHALE. We can see MacHale secretly hidden gun in back of the waist band of his trousers.
INDI looks to getting a weapon

MACHALE
Easy now.


PANEL 10

Suddenly Indy lunges for MacHale?s waist band pistol. He grabs it and fires at the Neo-Nazi?s.


PANEL 11

One of the Germans is hit. The other German begins firing wildly.
The gun shots cause the tunnel to begin collapsing!


PANEL 12

Snow buries the other German. Indy and GEORGE MACHALE make a run for it.

INDIANA JONES
Go Mac! Go! Go!


PANELS 12 -16

An AVALANCHE of white powder comes crashing down behind them. The tunnel is collapsing right on their heels.
They jump out of the tunnel and into...


PANEL 13
INT. ICE CAVE - STONE CHAMBER

... a chamber built out of solid stone.


PANEL 14

INDI AND GEORGE MACHALE hit the ground


PANEL 15

INDI AND GEORGE MACHALE recovering


PANEL 16

GEORGE MACHALE still recovering, INDI looking

MACHALE
That was bloody close.

INDIANA JONES
Closer that your think!


PANEL 17

A reveal of TEN NEO-NAZI?S are standing in front of them. Most of them already have their guns drawn. They have electric generators and lights set up. It looks like its a make-shift war room.

INDIANA JONES
(under his breath)
Sh*t.

One of the taller Neo-Nazi?s steps forward. This is the man in command, BRAUNER. He recognizes our heroes.

BRAUNER
George MacHale and the illustrious Indiana Jones. Or do you prefer Dr. Jones?


PANEL 18
Nice panel of INDIANA JONES


INDIANA JONES
Colonel Dr. Jones.


PANEL 19
Nice panel of GEORGE MACHALE

MACHALE
Retired Colonel Dr. Jones.

PANEL 20

Nice panel of BRAUNER with guards behind him.

BRAUNER
A rare privilege to meet the both of you. I had a feeling that I should expect you here. My name is Brauner.
(to his men)

Search them.


PANEL 21

Four Neo-Nazi?s move in on MacHale and Indy. Two grab MacHale and two of them grab Indy.

INDIANA JONES
(to MacHale, wry)
Is this Halloween or something?

MACHALE
Are you guys out of your gourds? The Nazi?s are over.

PANEL 22 - CLOSE ON: Brauner?s face.

BRAUNER
The Third Reich may be over, but another is on it?s way.




Any thought about the changes?
 

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
indyjones2131 said:
I'll contribute a short piece as well. When is the deadline?

No deadline. Looking to involve has many artists and writers as possible. Just want to get the ball rolling.
 

Dr. Gonzo

New member
I have a few notes. I'm not sure where but the legend: SOUTH ATLANTIC, 1946 has to appear somewhere in the beginning. I'm not sure where. Maybe the first panel, but that seems like it would be way too much.

The only other note I have for the artistic aspect of this is that Indiana Jones' reveal should be in line with how the films were done. PANEL 6 is Jones and Mac's reveal... so I think that is where Jones should say:"Nazi's. The war is over boys." I know that will be too much with what else is in panel 6 so I think that should have its own panel.

"Guten tag" with the silouettes and then the reveal "Nazi's. The war is over boys." would be great as two different panels, if that's good with you.

As far as the few rewrites:
I liked the "closer than you think line" that you added.
The only thing I would cut is in PANEL 3, the line from GERMAN 1. Just have GERMAN 2 say "Laden Sie Ihre Pistole und zünden Sie die Fackel" (Load your gun and light the torch) That way you'll have more drawing room and it makes german 2 sound like a superior, and kind of an ass hole.

Other than that I think it's gravy. Good show JuniorJones.
Can't wait to see this progress.
 

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
I have a few notes. I'm not sure where but the legend: SOUTH ATLANTIC, 1946 has to appear somewhere in the beginning. I'm not sure where. Maybe the first panel, but that seems like it would be way too much.

Somewhere in the first panel will be okay.

The only other note I have for the artistic aspect of this is that Indiana Jones' reveal should be in line with how the films were done. PANEL 6 is Jones and Mac's reveal... so I think that is where Jones should say:"Nazi's. The war is over boys." I know that will be too much with what else is in panel 6 so I think that should have its own panel.

"Guten tag" with the silouettes and then the reveal "Nazi's. The war is over boys." would be great as two different panels, if that's good with you.

I agree. It may need an extra panel. I was just mindful that the objects were seen before they were active.

The only thing I would cut is in PANEL 3, the line from GERMAN 1. Just have GERMAN 2 say "Laden Sie Ihre Pistole und zünden Sie die Fackel" (Load your gun and light the torch) That way you'll have more drawing room and it makes german 2 sound like a superior, and kind of an ass hole.

I added the line for exposition. It saves me from actually showing it in a panel. There's nothing more helpful that telling the audience what is happening or has happen!

Other than that I think it's gravy. Good show JuniorJones.
Can't wait to see this progress

Great.
 

JuniorJones

TR.N Staff Member
Dr. Gonzo said:
Any chance I could get a peak of what you have?

Sorry for the delay and crap scans (all on the same A4 Sheet!). Some initial rough sketches for reference. Any comments?

The villian rough (BRAUNER) boo hiss!!

villian-3.jpg


German SS solider based on SS Waffen uniform

solsmall.jpg


MAC - Ten years younger

Macsmall.jpg


A bit crap but Indi about 8 years from Last Crusade!! (using Mystery of Blues as inital reference)

indysmall.jpg


Another go at older indi

indi-2.jpg
 
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