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Old 12-14-2007, 09:33 AM   #26
Junior Jones
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Okay, not technically a Chuck Norris joke, but it is original. First a little background.

Last summer some friends and I met someone who was a bit of the "Chuck Norris" type. (Tough guy, didn't take crap from anyone, etc.) We began to convert our Chuck Norris jokes to "Johnathan" jokes. But, Johnathan had trouble remembering names, so he would just shout out something close and expect you to answer. Which led to this joke.

Johnathan never gets your name wrong. Your parents did.
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Old 12-16-2007, 04:25 PM   #27
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nice ones you guys, and thanks JJ, I4F, LCR, and RS for keeping it going.

Chuck Norris eats bricks for breakfast...
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Old 12-21-2007, 12:23 PM   #28
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this one's not origonal, but I saw it somewhere and thought it was very clever:

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, too bad the man has never cried... -EVER!
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:15 PM   #29
sarah navarro
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Heres one my friends brother made up...........

Chuck Norris Can beleive its not butter.

i dont exspect a reaction from anyone to this
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Old 12-23-2007, 03:17 AM   #30
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Watch out guys and gals...Chuck is suing!

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=339704


Who would have thought that a killing machine could be so humourless.
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:19 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metalinvader
Watch out guys and gals...Chuck is suing!

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=339704


Who would have thought that a killing machine could be so humourless.

Only because they are making money off it. I saw him on Conan once and he laughed at the site, back when they didn't directly profit off of it without his permission.

Oh, and I didn't make it up but:

Not only can Chuck Norris understand Lassie when he barks, "Timmy is in the well!" ... but he can bark back, "Who do you think put him there!"
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:22 AM   #32
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When GOD said, "Let There Be Light!" Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"



I know... I know...
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:47 AM   #33
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Nice.

Chuck Norris is so cool he's hot!
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Old 02-10-2008, 11:47 AM   #34
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I didnt read the full 3 pages, but try this if it hasnt been mentioned before:

1. Go to Google

2. Type in "find chuck norris"

3. Hit the button "I´m feeling lucky" right beside "Google Search"
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Old 02-10-2008, 04:23 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayDee
I didnt read the full 3 pages, but try this if it hasnt been mentioned before:

1. Go to Google

2. Type in "find chuck norris"

3. Hit the button "I´m feeling lucky" right beside "Google Search"

OH MY GOD !!!

Your post was by far the BEST ONE !!!

I cant believe GOOGLE DID THAT !!!

EVERYONE, Follow JayDee's directions and see for yourself
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Old 02-10-2008, 04:33 PM   #36
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For those who don't want to take the time to do it, the page displays this:
Quote:
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:37 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillKill4Food
For those who don't want to take the time to do it, the page displays this:


LMAO!!!! That is hilarious!


Chuck Norris doesn't need to write...the letters rearrange themselves on paper out of fear.
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:48 PM   #38
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Some funny Chuck jokes are below, and no I didn't come up with them:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in an hour... he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Old 02-10-2008, 08:18 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillKill4Food
For those who don't want to take the time to do it, the page displays this:
OMG THAT IS AWESOME!!!


"Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you
Try a different person"
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Old 03-08-2008, 06:01 AM   #40
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Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:52 PM   #41
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The Delta Force wasn't a 'movie', idiot! That was Chuck Norris's home-made long weekend, yearly holiday video in Israel.


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Old 03-09-2008, 06:52 PM   #42
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:58 PM   #43
sarah navarro
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Watch this-Chuck Norris dust dont breathe this!
lets press tha walker texas ranger button
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Old 03-09-2008, 11:09 PM   #44
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That was one ultra cool vid! Chuck Norris rocks!!!!
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Old 03-14-2008, 05:01 AM   #45
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Indiana Jones is simply one of Chuck Norris's fists which got away...
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Old 03-17-2008, 07:01 AM   #46
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Lol! Good one Gear!

Here is some more Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris knows the meaning of every word in the dictionary - except mercy.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
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Old 03-17-2008, 12:59 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indy_Chic
Lol! Good one Gear!

Here is some more Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris knows the meaning of every word in the dictionary - except mercy.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.


Oh my goodness im crying!!!!!
i told my brother these and he was laughing too,good ones Indy Chic!

-Chuck norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he came back they were just Islands.
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Old 03-17-2008, 06:15 PM   #48
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Hahaha!!! I'm glad you and your brother like those facts I posted! I found them on some Chuck Norris facts site and almost died of laughter when I read them!
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Old 03-17-2008, 08:05 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah navarro
-Chuck norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he came back they were just Islands.


HAHAHAHAHA!!

Great!

Chuck Norris once ate a black hole...
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Old 03-18-2008, 06:58 PM   #50
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Here is a picture of Chuck Norris' pet cat!

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