Zombie Movies We Want

With the inclusion of some brain eating zombies . . .

Movies that would have been Markedly Improved by the Inclusion of some Brain Eating Zombies:

Room with a View
Remains of the Day
Age of Innocence
Fame
Pride and Prejudice
Brokeback Mountain
Blue Crush
Miss Congeniality 2
Closer
Ordinary People
The Last Three Starwars Movies
Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf?
Chicago
Terminal
Citizen Kane
Casablanca
Lilo and Stitch
Flashdance

Now, before you go, "Hey, Casablanca was a great movie!" Think. Yes, it was a great movie, but how much greater would it have been with brain-eating zombies? Huh? Huh? Huh?

"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and forever. But we'll always have -- Elisa! Look out! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg!"

(Note, because I thought it was unfair to single-out one actor, I removed "anything that Ben Affleck has ever been in" from the list, even though I think even Ben himself would have to admit, that they would all have been better movies with brain-eating zombies added. This is not a comment on Mr. Affleck's performances, only on the fact that he is in a lot of really ****ty movies.)

I think I've made my point.


Brain-eating zombies are like the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers of Cinema -- there's almost no situation that they would not improve.


Now, a list of Shakespeare's plays that could be improved by Brain Eating Zombies:


All of them.


"To be, or not to be, or to be again, or to kinda sorta be -- brainnnnnnnnns!"

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. Yet there he be, walking around, calling for brainnnnnnnns!"

"Oh, what foods these mortals be -- brainnnnns!"

"If you ***** them, do they not bleed? If you chop off their heads, do they not stop chanting brainnnnnns!"

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.--And those now abed in England, shall hold their lives cheap, when they hear of the brains we did eat, upon St. Crispin's day!"

"How sharper than a serpents tooth it is to have a brain-eating child!"

"By the *****ing of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes. Darkling prince, evil thane, he riseth up to eat your brain."


I THINK I'VE MADE MY POINT

NOW A LIST OF ANDREW LLOYD WEBER MUSICALS THAT COULD BE IMPROVED BY THE ADDITION OF BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIES

Jesus Christ, Superstar

"I don't know how to eat him."


Evita

"Don't eat my brains Argentina."

Cats

"Memories -- eating nothing more than memories..."

Phantom of the Opera

Sorry, the only way that Zombies could make this tolerable is if they could travel back in time and eat Andrew Lloyd Webers brain before he writes it, thus keeping this abomination from being created.



This is from Christopher Moore's website, he is the funnist aurthor alive.

Any thoughts, any other lists . . .Maybe Indy scences made better with brain eating zombies . . . .


"I have my mothers eye's . . . and BBRRAAAIIINNNNSSSS . . . "

Sideways would have been better if it had a Zombie in it, and I ain't talking a fruity rum drink.

How about LotR Series or the Matrix series. So close on both of those.

You know LotR. Take out that whole...quest aspect (17 hours of CG) and put in 17 minutes of real Hannible Lecter at the dinner table good stuff.

Or the Matrix: "What is real? Real is electical impulses in the brain, and I think I have mine medium rare...."

Pale Horse said:

Sideways would have been better if it had a Zombie in it, and I ain't talking a fruity rum drink.

How about LotR Series or the Matrix series. So close on both of those.

You know LotR. Take out that whole...quest aspect (17 hours of CG) and put in 17 minutes of real Hannible Lecter at the dinner table good stuff.

Or the Matrix: "What is real? Real is electical impulses in the brain, and I think I have mine medium rare...."

Click to expand...

AAhhhhh good to see I am not the only one here who thinks Zombies, well just make things better!

Dude, I was researching this and I found a Bacon Movie WITH zombies in it!

How cool is THAT!

Pale Horse said:

Dude, I was researching this and I found a Bacon Movie WITH zombies in it!

How cool is THAT!

Click to expand...

it has Peter Sarsgaard in it, I really liked him in Jarhead and he is going to be in Mysteries of Pittsburgh an interesting book if not downright great . . . .But best of all in Bacon Wagon, his chacter is, get this, ZOMBIE COWBOY VICTIM, how cool is that! Bacon, zombies, and Cowboy Zombie Zictims . . .(In my best Milhouse voice) COOL!


WOW, I have heard the one thing that can keep brain hungry zombies at bay is . . . .


.....


..You guessed it, BACON!

I wonder if Netficks has this . . . ?

roundshort was pretty shrewd in not using the 'Wrap

tags around selected text' function.

Am I the only one vaguely disturbed by Christopher Moore's viewing habits? You'd think Perfect or some Darryl Hannah movie would've been in that list.

Query: In Fight Club would the Ed Norton character's need to self-inflict pain been obviated if his day job was working as an insurance investigator looking into claims arising from zombie inflicted damage?

"The First Rule of Fight Club is Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg!"

Click to expand...

ahhhh the possibilties of zombies!

Zombie Movies We Want . . .

. . .to see

Or to be more specific, Zombie Movie remakes we want.

I was thinking of a few

Wizard of Oz

"If I only had a Brain . . .to eat!"

Star Wars
"Almost there . . .almost there . . . . gggrrrrrr Brains . . .
Luke . . you've gone dead"

I could see just about any movies be remade if you added some brain hungry zombies

thoughts?

There's a fortune to be made in a zombified version of Gone With the Wind. Themes of hunger and desire run throughout the story. Take the first scene (from IMDB) for example:

Mammy: Oh now miss Scarlett you come on and eat juss a little honey!
Scarlett: No! I'm going to have a good time today... And do my eating at the barbeque
Mammy: If you dont care what folks says about dis family I does! I is told ya and told ya that you can always tell a lady by the way she eats in front of folks like a bird and I ain't aimin' for you to go to Mr. John Wilkes and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog!
Scarlett: Fiddle-dee-dee! Ashley told me he likes to see a girl with a healthy appetite!
Mammy: What gentlemen says and what they thinks is 2 diffrent things, and I ain't noticed Mr. Ashley askin' for to marry you
Scarlett: [Turns around slowly to face Mammy then throws her umbrella and stuffs food into her mouth]
Mammy: Now don't eat [them brains] too fast. Ain't no need for it come right back up again!
Scarlett: [With her mouth full] Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?

Click to expand...

And this:

Prissy: Mammy, here's Miss Scarlet's vittles.
Scarlett: You can take it all back to the kitchen; I won't eat a bite.
Mammy: Yes'm you is, you's gonna eat every mouthful of this [bowl-of-brains].
Scarlett: No... I'm... NOT.

Click to expand...

And of course there is the classic scene where the Union Soldier breaks into Tara and threatens Scarlett. She shoots him and then eats his brains -- and then this classic line could be dubbed in:

Scarlett: As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

Click to expand...

Just think:
* Ashley already looks like a zombie, and Scarlett's Dad raves like a zombie for a good portion of the film.


I could go on and on -- but roundshort you've got to let this little fixation go. And what's with the Star War's

They all love Star Wars...if I have to read one more thing about Star Wars...

Pulp Fiction - Zombie Style

Jules: Mmmm! {edit for content}, Jimmie! These are some serious gourmet brains! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice, but he springs these serious GOURMET brains on us! What flavor is this?

Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie.

Jules: [pause] What?

Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how {edit for content} good my brains are, okay? I'm the one who eats 'em. I know how good they are. When Bonnie goes feeding she eats {edit for contnt}. Me, I eat the gourmet expensive stuff because when I sink my teeth into it, I want to taste 'em. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the brains on my kitchen table, it's the dead zombie in my garage.

Jules: Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...

Jimmie: No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Zombie Storage?

Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...

Jimmie: Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Zombie Storage?

Jules: [pause] No. I didn't.

Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?

Jules: Why?

Jimmie: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead zombies ain't my {edit for content} business, that's why

Make a zombie version of the Santa Clause.
Or, how 'bout this:
INDIANA JONES and... OH GOD! ZOMBIES!!!

Pale Horse said:

Jules: Mmmm! {edit for content}, Jimmie! These are some serious gourmet brains! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice, but he springs these serious GOURMET brains on us! What flavor is this?

Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie.

Jules: [pause] What?

Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how {edit for content} good my brains are, okay? I'm the one who eats 'em. I know how good they are. When Bonnie goes feeding she eats {edit for contnt}. Me, I eat the gourmet expensive stuff because when I sink my teeth into it, I want to taste 'em. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the brains on my kitchen table, it's the dead zombie in my garage.

Jules: Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...

Jimmie: No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Zombie Storage?

Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...

Jimmie: Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Zombie Storage?

Jules: [pause] No. I didn't.

Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?

Jules: Why?

Jimmie: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead zombies ain't my {edit for content} business, that's why

Click to expand...

Pale horse, there's one flaw here.

In a zombified Pulp Fiction, do you think there would have even been a need for Jules and Vincent to make the quick hop over to Toluca Lake?

My guess is that the moment Marvin's brains splattered all over the Nova (?), Vincent and Jules would have just made a light post-breakfast snack of the whole mess.

[But the scene was funny though.]

Indy"
"Zombies . . .Why'd it have to be Zombies"

"There's a big Zombie in the Plane"

"There Brains, you eat'em"

Zombies - John McClane Style

Hans: Put down the gun, and give me my brains.

John McClane: Well, well, well... Hans.

Hans: Put it down now.

John McClane: That was pretty tricky with that accent. You oughta be on {censored} TV with that accent. But what do you want with the brains, Hans? I already ate all the hostages. Or did I?

Hans: I'm going to count to three...

John McClane: Yeah, like you did with Takagi?
{Hans pulls trigger, but there are no bullets}

John McClane: Ooops, no bullets. What do you think, I'm {censored} stupid, Hans?

Nice to see a the few old school Raveners in the same blog!

Thanks guys!

Keep it up


Remember Zombies don't like Paris Hilton!

Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy should follow up Before Susrise and Before Sunset with Before Dusk and Before Dawn (of the Dead). Hawke looks like a zombie already. An American zombie in Prague. They could work it into his story. Unfortunately, like George Romero, they can make installments only once a decade.

Dances with Brains

Seems to me John Dunbar would have done well in his quest for building relations with the Souix if instead of Buffalo, they all were tracking brains...

Zombies of the plains so to speak...

Zombies, where art thou?

Is it me, but where have the good zombie flicks gone? I like 28 days, and will watch 28 weeks later, the remakes I don't mind, and I loved Shaun of the Dead, but these were all years ago, which makes me think . . .

"Where have all the good Zombies gone?" (It helps to sing this like it was the Kinks song, "Where have all the good times gone"

Does anyone know of any good Zombie movies either being worked on, or that I missed in the last few years?

Still waiting for a Zombified version of Caddyshack, Raiders, Oceans 11, 101 Dalmatians . . . or many others.

I would like to see some good zombie movies. As much as I like zombies, I don't like most of the zombie movies I've seen.

I think DAWN OF THE DEAD (remake only) is my favorite. I've never really cared for the George Romero flicks, though I do like DAY OF THE DEAD the best and find the remake of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD to be far superior to any of Romero's own originals. I also like the crazyness that is RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 1 and 2.