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Old 05-16-2009, 03:34 PM   #1
The Drifter
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Cracked articles pick apart Indiana Jones

http://www.cracked.com/blog/indiana-jones/

It's a funny read.
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:05 PM   #2
lao che & sons
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Oh my god! those KOTCS transcripts are pretty disturbing, it seems like kasdan is the only one who really had a clue . And really is spielberg that retarded??? ("Drawing Boobs on napkin" knocking over llamas") George Lucas and Steven Spielberg both sound like they're on drugs in this session. I used to look up to these men but I guess it goes to show you everyone in hollywood is a perverted money loving racist retard that can do a nice job of seeming interested on the special features discs who got lucky. No wonder they don't have this session for download. I mean it really makes me mad that they didn't take KOTCS more seriously. If that's the way they work now days then I guess it will be a blessing if we don't get indy five. What will they put in that pie throwing contests and clowns beating people up along with the return of short round (whose character they will forever soil) to draw in all the fans. Oh yeah I can't wait! Dear god please let all of this be a joke!
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:09 PM   #3
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The last part is a joke. None of that's real.
But, the first part is, but Cracked is a humor site, so take none of it seriously.
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:17 PM   #4
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Thanks that's such a relief!
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:18 PM   #5
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Great read. Pushes a little heavily on the racism angle, but cracked turns in good work. Thanks for pointing us to this.
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Old 08-03-2009, 05:38 PM   #6
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A Funny Article

Here is a funny article that has to do with Indiana Jones. Hope you enjoy it!
http://www.cracked.com/funny-138-archaeology/
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:01 PM   #7
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Haha. That was hilarious. It's quite true.
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:05 PM   #8
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that was pretty entertaining. I love the last part "wonder why you get fired" On many other sites people don't wan't indy 5. If Indy 5 is going to be sucessful it will have to be a great movie.
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Old 08-11-2010, 05:16 PM   #9
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Interesting Question Raised on Cracked

Why didn't the government just (maybe anonymously) give the ark to Hitler so he could open it in front of the entire Nazi army and melt their faces, thus ending the war? No one besides our heroes made it out of that canyon so it's not like the Fuhrer would know what happened.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18658...n-minutes.html
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Old 08-11-2010, 05:46 PM   #10
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Well, let's see. Did all the German soldiers go up the Mountain? I doubt so. They knew where Dietrich and crew went. We know the sub commander didn't go. But mysteriously they're gone. Hmmm. I would guess the Germans would continue to lose soldiers and assorted staff crafting a plan to harness the power of the ark well before opening it in Hitler's presence.
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Old 08-11-2010, 06:40 PM   #11
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But if that was the case, then the question would be raised of how Marion and Indy alone could have escaped with the ark if there were still Germans on and around the island.
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Old 08-11-2010, 10:06 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bonoferox
Why didn't the government just (maybe anonymously) give the ark to Hitler so he could open it in front of the entire Nazi army and melt their faces, thus ending the war? No one besides our heroes made it out of that canyon so it's not like the Fuhrer would know what happened.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18658...n-minutes.html

Because they didn't know for sure why it destroyed the onlookers. If it was something other than a deity, then perhaps the Germans could figure out how to subjugate it.

If it was a deity, then perhaps that deity would resent the arrogance of using the Ark as a clandestine weapon as much as he would looking into it irreverently. In that case, those who gave it to the Germans might find themselves destroyed.

Safest course of action was to pretend it didn't exist.
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Old 08-12-2010, 11:38 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocket Surgeon
Well, let's see. Did all the German soldiers go up the Mountain? I doubt so. They knew where Dietrich and crew went. We know the sub commander didn't go. But mysteriously they're gone. Hmmm. I would guess the Germans would continue to lose soldiers and assorted staff crafting a plan to harness the power of the ark well before opening it in Hitler's presence.
Good point! I can't imagine there were too many left on the sub. Just a few to watch it and perform any maintenance if needed. There were plenty of weapons left at the opening of the Ark where I'm sure Indy used to his advantage back at the sub. Did he just plain kill the rest of them? Did he take them hostage? Or maybe the Ark killed every last German on that island, including the ones on the sub. Hmmm....

Last edited by michael : 08-12-2010 at 11:54 AM.
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Old 08-12-2010, 11:52 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michael
Good point! I can't imagine there were too many left on the sub. Just a few to watch it and perform any maintenance if needed. There were plenty of weapons left at the opening of the Ark where I'm sure Indy used to his advantage back at the sub. Did he just plain kill the rest of them? Did he take them hostage? Or maybe the Ark killed every last german on that island, including the ones on the sub. Hmmm....

The 3rd August 1979 script revision has Indy and Marion fighting their way off the island, using the mine car later incorporated into TOD. A munitions store explodes and the island begins to break up, as Indy and Marion escape in a fishing boat.
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Old 08-12-2010, 12:03 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montana Smith
The 3rd August 1979 script revision has Indy and Marion fighting their way off the island, using the mine car later incorporated into TOD. A munitions store explodes and the island begins to break up, as Indy and Marion escape in a fishing boat.
Haha no kidding, Montana! Thanks for that!

Was it in another script where the mine cart was supposed to be in Tanis?
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Old 08-12-2010, 12:10 PM   #16
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I always thought Indy and Marion escaping the island was a little dubious, but no more dubious than riding the submarine or pushing over a 30' statue. I just took it with the same grain of salt as Indy surviving a nuke in a fridge.

But, being the geek I am, I've had to reconcile this in my mind at times. Here's my theory: There were still other Nazis at the sub base, but Indy was able to find a radio amongst the equipment in the mountain pass or some similar place and call the British to come pick them up. With their depleted manpower, maybe the Nazis couldn't fight back. Probably some big holes in that theory, like the British being in those waters, but then, the Nazis were in occupied British territory (Cairo) with no fuss . . .

As for the Ark itself, ironically, this is where the movie rings absolutely true: The way of the government and especially the military is not necessarily smart (letting it kill Hitler), but paranoid. They'd do exactly what the movie showed: Lock it up and bury it (along with, as we later learn, the Roswell wreckage).
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Old 08-12-2010, 12:23 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by michael
Haha no kidding, Montana! Thanks for that!

Was it in another script where the mine cart was supposed to be in Tanis?

The mine being on the island was an idea Lucas and Spielberg went into great detail with, during the January 1978 Story Conference. I may be wrong, but the mine track at Tanis was just left-over set-dressing from the abandoned mine cart scene.
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Old 08-13-2010, 05:15 AM   #18
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Honestly.. We can only say it was a good idea at the time. Remember, the army only came to Jones when they got intercepted the cable and Jones told them about the ark. We only knew it would melt faces at the very absolute end and only Indy was around to testify to that. The Army sent Indy over because before we even knew the ark would burn nazis like a toaster set to high everyone thought that whoever used it would be able to unleash the wrath of god onto their enemies.
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Old 08-13-2010, 02:53 PM   #19
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Maybe the government didn't believe Indy, and they were humoring him. The Ark was tucked away for the non-supernatural havoc it could sew, and left it at that.
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Old 10-16-2010, 11:00 AM   #20
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Might as well put this here.
It seems Cracked thinks ToD is the right way to do a prequel.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18813...-prequels.html
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Old 10-16-2010, 12:48 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonsome_Drifter
Might as well put this here.
It seems Cracked thinks ToD is the right way to do a prequel.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18813...-prequels.html

Two interesting-looking reads to look forward to.

Thanks, Lonsome!
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Old 10-16-2010, 01:23 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by lao che & sons
Thanks that's such a relief!
Hoe precious.

Its remarkable how "real" it can all seem sometimes.

Isn't it amazing to consider something like this finally made it to the net? How timely...

It was pretty unforgiving with the whole racism subject...not considering context.

Bury the source for a few years and who knows? Maybe those bits will be worth something.

Last edited by Rocket Surgeon : 10-16-2010 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 12-06-2010, 01:52 PM   #23
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Here is a list of 11 celebrities who are secretly badasses. Ford is at number 11. I never knew he did some of this stuff.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18905...-badasses.html
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Old 02-01-2011, 03:38 PM   #24
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It seems that Indiana Jones is in yet ANOTHER article from Cracked.
This time it talks about his supposed relationship with an eleven year-old Marion Ravenwood.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18985...haracters.html

(Also mods, can you please change the title of this thread to something like "Cracked Indiana Jones Articles"?)
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Old 02-01-2011, 07:39 PM   #25
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Cracked is friggin' hilarious. Been loving that site for years.

These are priceless. Somehow I missed the first one last year.

Thanks for linkin'!!!
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