Heliograph
New member
With apologies to Clemente Clarke Moore:
A Raider's Xmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the dig
Not a creature was stirring, not small nor big
And I in my poncho, my Webley and boots
Was drunker than anyone else tripping o'er roots.
I staggered up scaffolding and fell into bed
While four quarts of quinine were ablaze in my head.
Then up from below came the sounds of disruption
So I grabbed up my pickaxe, crashed through the construction.
I missed the last step and crashed down three levels in a heap
Thinking, "Why can't those low-lifes downstairs go to sleep?"
When what to my wondering eyes didst I be-saw
But two leathery creatures with brawn, fang and claw..
I said to myself, "We'll soon have them beat!"
Then I noticed ten diggers laid out at their feet.
I gave out a yell and leapt into the fray...
I'll always regret my poor choice of that day.
One a mummified finger placed to the side of its nose
And up, up up to the cross support I rose.
Then a lone frightened voice from the floor said rummy,
"Those are no mortal warriors ? each's a Central American mummy."
Then out of nowhere there came dust and commotion
The mummies backed off, for they hadn't a notion,
before them in cobwebs, rose glasses, vibrating the tomb
Stood a pneumatic vision with back pack and hand broom.
A buxom wench with brace of pistols, fired in tandem
Form quite curvaceous, the shots they were quite random,
She called for blue prints, talked of a spell,
the mummies were creapy, quite possibly from ####.
Then they looked at each other and they said, "Battle's done,
Buxom lass plays rough, ?tis no longer fun."
Then raised raised his gnarled hand, and the doors he did smash,
Seething and snarling through the opening did they crash.
I staggered cross the temple to the splintered door,
Not really sure what fate held in store.
The vines bathed in starlight, a moon as if chalked,
They trailed dark blood and oozed as they stalked.
So I grabbed Lara with gesture flexing manly sinew,
We climbed three sets of ladders to get a nice pyramid view,
We went to my tent to study my "maps"
The rest you can guess, all platonic, yes perhaps.
In the far distance, (assuming I heard them quite right),
the mummies cursed, as they skulked out of sight,
TO HECK WITH ARCHAEOLOGISTS, AND TO ALL A GOOD BITE!
A Raider's Xmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the dig
Not a creature was stirring, not small nor big
And I in my poncho, my Webley and boots
Was drunker than anyone else tripping o'er roots.
I staggered up scaffolding and fell into bed
While four quarts of quinine were ablaze in my head.
Then up from below came the sounds of disruption
So I grabbed up my pickaxe, crashed through the construction.
I missed the last step and crashed down three levels in a heap
Thinking, "Why can't those low-lifes downstairs go to sleep?"
When what to my wondering eyes didst I be-saw
But two leathery creatures with brawn, fang and claw..
I said to myself, "We'll soon have them beat!"
Then I noticed ten diggers laid out at their feet.
I gave out a yell and leapt into the fray...
I'll always regret my poor choice of that day.
One a mummified finger placed to the side of its nose
And up, up up to the cross support I rose.
Then a lone frightened voice from the floor said rummy,
"Those are no mortal warriors ? each's a Central American mummy."
Then out of nowhere there came dust and commotion
The mummies backed off, for they hadn't a notion,
before them in cobwebs, rose glasses, vibrating the tomb
Stood a pneumatic vision with back pack and hand broom.
A buxom wench with brace of pistols, fired in tandem
Form quite curvaceous, the shots they were quite random,
She called for blue prints, talked of a spell,
the mummies were creapy, quite possibly from ####.
Then they looked at each other and they said, "Battle's done,
Buxom lass plays rough, ?tis no longer fun."
Then raised raised his gnarled hand, and the doors he did smash,
Seething and snarling through the opening did they crash.
I staggered cross the temple to the splintered door,
Not really sure what fate held in store.
The vines bathed in starlight, a moon as if chalked,
They trailed dark blood and oozed as they stalked.
So I grabbed Lara with gesture flexing manly sinew,
We climbed three sets of ladders to get a nice pyramid view,
We went to my tent to study my "maps"
The rest you can guess, all platonic, yes perhaps.
In the far distance, (assuming I heard them quite right),
the mummies cursed, as they skulked out of sight,
TO HECK WITH ARCHAEOLOGISTS, AND TO ALL A GOOD BITE!
