Indy: The Musical

Okay, maybe it sounds a little-- no, make that a LOT-- crazy, but what do you think an Indiana Jones muscial on Broadway would be like? Don't completely throw this out the window. Let's play with this idea. Be creative.
Share your thoughts, write a scene (compose a song?), whatever. It would be "Korny," but kinda fun, wouldn't it? I know movie-to-stage ideas usually bomb, but how would you make an Indiana Jones musical good?

Ideas? Creations? Comments?

That idea doesn't sound crazy to me. Most musicals have terrible storylines anyway; Les Miserables is an exception. It would certainly have to contain Cole Porter songs and others from the 30's.

I would put the deleted scene of Indy and Shorty and Willie singing on the Elephants back in for the Musical. (In fact, I would have left it in for the movie, too)

Overture [Instramental]

As a John Willimas string heavy orchestration fades into a familiar Leonard Bernstein tune, we hear a voice hidden offstage, behind a rising curtain which reveals a fog shadowed mountain;

singing:

Indy, He Knows
Adventures coming any day
Eagle Scout, all the way
Stays on his toes
Educated at Barnet College under this guy
Egyptian Eye
Staff of Ra shows
He Knows

It?s only just out of reach
Disregard Old Knight?s speech
Immortally
I?ve got a feeling there?s a punishment due
For me and you
Maybe just me

Could Indy, yes he could
Adventures coming, and it?s good
If we can wait
Adventures coming, yes it is
And it is yes it is gonna be great

With his whip, a leather smock
Smith & Wesson, loaded locked
Old ancient maps
Adventures coming
Don?t know when they say June
In a blue moon
What is the catch?
It?s all in order
Script?s drifting down the river
C?mon George Lucas, and Steve

Will it be, yes it will
Maybe Indy will fulfill
We?ll all be there
Come on action
Come on in don?t be coy
Give us joy
Let down your hair
The fans are restless
Adventure is requested

He Knows
He?s only just out of reach
Writer?s block contract breach
Stay outta the light?.

Now that the prologue is out of the way...

A man in a battered fedora, followed by two Peruvians, wander onto a stage set as jungle. As the fog clears, the man in the hat breaks out into song... (to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from Sound of Music)

Shady Peruvians and shots in the back
(Easily handled with one simple whip crack)
Filling my sandbag tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Big creepy spiders and spring loaded death traps
Incompetant sidekicks and cryptic ol' treasure maps
Dart blowing carvings and temples collapsing
Who keeps coming up with these things?

A huge, giant boulder trying to crush me
Belloc and his sneering also disgust me
That stupid Frenchman is always taking my things
But I don't like Hovitos with their bows and their slings

When the spears fly
When the arrows zip
When I'm chased by a tribe
I simply jump in the river and swim out to the plane
And then I'm happy to be alive

Haha, this thread is hilarious. I'll have to think of something to add soon.

Oh my GOSH-- You guys are soooo funny-- and pretty dang creative, too! I'm going to ponder on this and add something ASAP! Yeah, Canyon, you think of something too!

Lights come up on half the stage, set as classroom. EATON and MUSGROVE are seated as INDY and MARCUS enter. (MUSIC comes up... "There is Nothing Like a Dame", from South Pacific)

Eaton and Musgrove:
We got a intercepted cable
It mentions Ravenwood
That Hitler is madman
So frankly this ain't good
He's got a hankering for relics
And we can't trust this bum
Can you help Doctor Jones
To beat this scum?

EATON and MUSGROVE exit. Indy starts throwing stuff in a suitcase.

Indy:
Hey Marcus, this is great!
A chance to find the Ark!
I'll try to find ol' Abner
I've got an idea where to start
What do mean 'be careful?'
You're sounding like my mum.
I'm always cautious
And I've packed my gun!

Marcus:
This is isn't anything like you've gone after before
Marion can't be a worry 'cause you'll have many more?

MARCUS exits. INDY puts on his fedora, and picks up his suitcase.

Indy:
I am headed to Nepal,
Halfway 'round the world,
If you think the world is small
You haven't ever been to Nepal!

INDY exits. Lights come up on other half of the stage, set as the crowded RAVEN BAR. MARION is sitting at table covered with empty shotglasses across from a CLIMBER, surrounded by the NEPALESE CHORUS.

Marion:
I'm in a crowd, drinking whiskey
I'm ready to pass out
That climber can't last this long
Who'd guess he was that stout?
I want to win the money
But I can't feel my feet?
Yes! There he goes?
That chump is beat!

Climber:
That Marion can knock 'em down, let me tell ya' brother
But there is absolutely no way whatsover
In any way shape or form I'd could drink another

Nepalese Chorus:
We are drinking in Nepal
Halfway 'round the world,
None of us can drive at all
But there ain't any cars in Nepal!

CLIMBER and NEPALESE CHORUS exit, as INDY enters.

Indy:
Marion I need that piece
Here's a wad of loot
I can say I'm sorry
I just need it before the Nazis!

TOHT and NAZI THUGS enter.

Toht:
Fraulein I need the same piece that Doctor Jones wanted

INDY runs around, fighting each NAZI THUG.

Nazi Thugs:
We've come to get the piece,
And we really like to fight
But that infernal Doctor
Has set this place alight
It's burning and it's smoky
And our men are getting hot
But that's a little better than being shot!

All:
Here we are in a brawl
At the Raven bar in Nepal!

It always snows in Nepal
There're no shows in Nepal
Who'd want to go Nepal?
Nobody likes it in Nepal
We had a job in Nepal
But it ended in a brawl
There ain't a reason but the Staff of Ra
Which Marion often has stuffed in her bra
Here in the flaming ruins of a bar in NEPAL!

Deadlock, that was awesome!

Why, thank you.

This may sound silly, but this idea really amuses me. My goal is to see all of Raiders get done, though I don't want to do it all by myself. So, please feel free to pitch in. FYI, the truck scene is mine (and mostly done). "I feel gritty, oh so gritty..."

(Pale Horse, I know you're around here somewhere. You may be invisible now, but that's no excuse.)

who me...okay, give me a a sec

Darkness falls across the stage as the sound of a plane drones in the upper recesses of the theater. Smoke and fog fill the stage and red lights start to emerge giving the smokey floor an eerie bloodlike quality. Still in the rafters we hear the screaming of Indy, Willie and Short Round as cables lower them to the stage floor.

As the fog disperses, we can see dozens of small children, dressed in rages, swinging pick axes and hammers...as they start their song:

[Slave Children]
It's the hard-knock life for us!
It's the hard-knock life for us!

[Mola Ram]
Kali Ma!

[Slave Children]
She?s a *****!

[Mola Ram]
Kali Ma!

[Slave Children]
Makes us dig!

[All]
It?s the hard-knock life!
Got no folks to watch us, so
Diggin? rocks is how we go

[Chattar Lal]
Pesky Tourists

[Indy and Willie]
We were ditched

[Chattar Lal]
Disbelievers

[Heartless Extra]
My heart?s been switched

[All]
It?s the hard-knock life.

[Mola Ram]
You?ll believe us when there?s poison in your
Belly

[Indy]
Don?t bet on it, unless you wanna? start a fight

[Chattar Lal]
You?ll believe us, or we?ll whip you back to jelly

[Indy]
The Black Sleep of Kali is my night!

Mola Ram]
No one cares if you die inside our palace
No one cares if you cry and weep
No one cares if you heart is growing callous

[Slave Children]
The poison has placed him in a sleep!
OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!
Stupid sacred rocks!
Lousy mystic rocks!
Full of Diamond rocks!
Three for five diggin? rocks!

[Short Round]
Fortune, glory, never we see

[Willie]
Fortune, glory, in Shanghai
That?s me!

[Slave Children]
No one cares we peddle sacrilege
We?d be better in an orphanage!

[All]
It's the hard-knock life
It's the hard-knock life
It's the hard-knock life!

Indy is now drunk with the Blood of Kali........

"Staff Of Ra"-
Staff of Ra, Staff of Ra, sun will make me glow, take me to Tannis maproom and the well of souls I'll show. (Jingle Bells)

ROTFLMAO!! That's the quote of the year.

After all these, i think the best is not to do that broadway show

I just cant imagine it sry

Yes, its a joke Luis my man.

By the way, Pale Horse and Deadlock - both awesome renditions

i know, cant u feel the irony in my msg??

it felt like you were not quite sure yourself and were straddling the border. Your first line was clearly ironical in nature; the second indicated the opposite.

All the same, the two songs written by PH and Deadlock made my day. Maybe I'll make one of my own, for LC. This is the sort of thing they would do on the simpsons - randomly break out into song.

Well even if u didnt get me, i had fun reading em

theinfiniteweird said:

"Staff Of Ra"-
Staff of Ra, Staff of Ra, sun will make me glow, take me to Tannis maproom and the well of souls I'll show. (Jingle Bells)

Click to expand...

Hahahah...I didn't see the 'Jingle Bells' until the end...I heard it in my head to the tune of 'Dreidle Dreidle Dreidle' - hysterical!