Do I Move to NYC or Stay in Texas?

In March, on spring break, I met a girl in NYC. She is everything I've ever wanted in a girl. She's perfect for me. We knew from the get-go how difficult things would be if we started dating, but that week in NYC was probably the best of my life. And hers too. So, we decided to date. Long distance. She came down in April for a week and stayed here and met my family. Things went well. I then visited her from mid May until Mid June, for a month. Met her entire family and helped her move into a new apartment. Things went well.

But. The reality of long distance relationships is beginning to dawn on the both of us. I've spent years of my life here at home wishing I could move somewhere more interesting. Now I have the chance, but I am noticing the things that I have here that are important to me more than I used to. My friends, my band, my dog Rusty... my niece JoJo. I've lived here for 24 years.

But in NYC, is the most perfect girl I've ever met in my life. She will do anything for me and is the best friend I've ever had. I'm totally head over heels in love with her. I am thinking of moving to NYC now, in August or September. The thing that made me doubt it all? When my niece Jo-Jo recently ran up to me, she's only 2 1/2, and wanted me to pick her up and gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. It melted my heart. I realized how much my family and home has meant to me. But is that enough of a reason to stay? Do I stay for others or leave for me? If I stay, I am staying partly for myself of course. I love my family. But I wonder if it's wiser to take a chance at starting my own life. Right now, it seems all NYC has is my girl. But if I don't take the chance I'll never know if it would work.

If I don't go to NYC. The best girlfriend I've ever had, this relationship will end. And I'll lose her. She is willing to move her, but she is stuck in a lease and can't just up and leave for almost a year. Plus, she just moved into a new apartment like I said. I don't know if we could make it that long, long distance.

So I'm aware it's a decision I, ultimately, have to make myself. But I would appreciate any input anyone here can give. Because it's been racking my brain for weeks.

It's very hard to leave or to stay. I'm not sure what to do.

My advice to you...

...is never ever move anywhere because of a girl. If the only reason you can think of moving to NYC is her, stay home; things may not work out, and then what? You'll end up in Texas (again), with a large dent in your wallet. If the girl is simply lagniappe, go for it. You could find a wonderful new step in your life.


Consider: Most people (something like 90%) don't get more than a hundred miles from where they were raised. I'm all for breaking that barrier. And by as much as is possible.

Given that you've spent some time in NYC, I take it you're fully aware how expensive it is to actually live there. I plan to enroll at the American Comedy Institute next year, but not until I've saved for some time overseas. It is one of the most expensive cities in the world! I take it you won't be living in Manhattan?

After recently traveling from one end of the continent to the other just to meet a girl, and it having not even worked out, I'm probably one of the less optimistic folks you'll be hearing advice from. Disclaimer aside, I'd just like to caution you about moving specifically for that reason. But, I would wholeheartedly encourage you to make the move if you're itching for some excitement and adventure--NYC certainly will offer this. And if the girl thing doesn't work out, you'll still have gained in experience what you lost materially and emotionally. If you're up for taking a chance on that balance, do it! I've done it numerous times and usually taken a minor hit, but I've come out on top so far.* Good luck!

*To be fair, I'm the type to spend 2 days sleeping in coffee shops before I'm willing to dish out the $20 necessary for a hostel. So I might take a hit later in life--a BIG hit--a bit earlier than expected. Oh well....life will go on, I'm sure.

Well, it won't be so bad. We'd be splitting an apartment in Astoria. (Not on the lease but I think we can get away with it)

My rent would only be to the tune of $350 a month, which is what i used to pay for my truck which is paid off. If I move, I'm leaving most of my stuff here because really... she already has a computer, tv, video game systems I have, etc. All I would bring is my clothing and a few other things. If I decided to make the move permanent, as in for good, down the road I'd come back and get the rest of my junk.

My plan now is to live with her for a few months in NYC and see how that goes, and then if it doesn't work out come home and if it does stay there.

Obviously I'm up for adventure. The whole reason I went in the first place was for that. And I do enjoy the city, and I am aware of how expensive it can be. I might see if she would like to move down here after living with her for awhile if it seems like it would work out since it is cheaper around here.

I have met her friends and I wouldn't be totally friendless there. But I would be leaving behind my friends here, my band, my dog (haha) and my family. I'd see them of course, just not as often.

So do I stay or go? It's so hard to really know what the right thing to do is. I always wanted to live in NYC or LA, so I mean yeah, in a lot of ways she is lagniappe (I had to look up the definition of that haha)... but I'm a bit nervous.

If it doesn't work out, the most it would cost me is some money and time. (I currently live at home with my parents). But I'm also aware that if you don't take chances in life, sometimes that could be the biggest mistake.

You should have a poll, listing 1-5 whether you should stay or go, with below 3 being negative and above 3 being positive. I would give you a 5, but only because there wasn't a 4.5.

Seriously, I think you should go. Live the life.

Damn. That's quite a situation, No Ticket. I really don't know what to advise, though I can understand a little bit about what you're going through.

For instance, earlier this year, I was doing quite well in job interviews and application rounds for an Associate Producer job (for a production house that does TV commercials) based in Sydney. I was a Top 5 candidate and 1 of 2 that was from interstate. Now, I had to face the fact that if I was the 1 in 5 to get the job, I would have to move out of home and a 1000 k's from my family (and the longest I've ever been away from them is a week and the furtherest I've been away being 2000 k's). In the end, as much as I would like to get somewhere with my career and would move in leaps and bounds if I would go to Sydney, I loved my family too much and in which case, I had no idea how long I would have lasted in the job anyway, especially with the recession and wasn't sure if my pay check would have been enough.

Needless, to say I didn't get the job because I was still too young and needed more experience. Which is fine with me. Sometimes things just work out for themselves, I guess.

You're older than me though so I'm sure you could probably handle moving out of home better than I can. I can only suggest making a list of pro's and con's to work it out, or maybe see a fortune teller.

Violet Indy said:

You're older than me though so I'm sure you could probably handle moving out of home better than I can.

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Pshaw! I think, really, that it depends on the person, the situation, so on and so forth. E.g., I moved out at 17 and worked for a few months, lived 500 km from my family, finished university, etc. I haven't moved back home since; instead, I've been traveling more. Not all of my jobs have been gong shows since then, but I've made due. I think the question of what you can handle is literally that--what can you handle, i.e. what are you willing to go through, what kind of life do you want, etc.

Violet Indy said:

maybe see a fortune teller.

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Says the nominee for "Best Advice Imparter at The Raven" award.

Normally I would recommend moving someplace for a girl. Keep in mind that you've spent, essentially, only a month and a half together. No matter how much you talk or text, you've only spent 6 weeks face to face. You're still in the beginning stages, the infatuation part.

That being said, I would move to New York just for the experience. She may or may not be the one, but you won't really know unless you give it a try. I wouldn't just mooch off of her stuff, though. If you can bring a few of your own things besides clothes, I would.

If it doesn't work out, you'll always have that romantic story about how you moved to New York for a girl who broke your heart. Just trying to stay positive.

Well I'm not mooching off her stuff. What's the point in bringing say, a DVD player if she already has one in the apartment. Or say, a Nintendo Wii if she already has one in the apartment. Etc. I don't own much myself outside of DVDS, video game consoles, uhhh.... a computer. I really don't have that much stuff to bring in the first place. That's what I meant. It's a small apartment, and obviously I can't bring furniture 1,558 miles.

No Ticket said:

If it doesn't work out, the most it would cost me is some money and time.

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You've figured it out already.

Go.

Even if it doesn't work out with her, (and I hope you're lucky/happy either way) You never know who or what you'll meet/discover. Especially if you're a musician.

Go.

It'll be a good way to find out some things about yourself.

Go.

Good luck.