Did I screw up badly?

Ironclaw

New member
I have 2 issues in regards to your original post, Nurhachi:

1) You've been seeing her for 3 months and you've already determined that you love her? I'm a little bit older than you (but not by much), but there's a difference between being "in love" with someone and "loving" someone. You're "in love," which (not to sound harsh) at that age is more of a chemical/biological/hormonal reaction going on in your system. At least initially so.

2) You made a point that she actively tells you she's not only making friends, but who she's making friends with and getting phone numbers from? Why would anybody really tell anybody that they got somebody's phone number? My gf brings up her friends in conversation, sure, but never once has she made it a point to tell me she got someone else's phone number. First, I would assume she had it anyway, and secondly, women only tell men things to get a reaction out of them. FACT.

At this point you're probably still angry with each other. Give it a week or so and then go from there. If she's still interested she'll be willing to talk. And if she is willing to hash it out, then that's actually a good thing because that means you have someone who's willing to work out a problem with you.

Having differences and arguments is part of a healthy relationship, and willing to discuss it means there's the possibility of a future together. If she refuses to speak to you ever again, that means she's made the decision that it's not worth her time or effort, and that means she was never the right one to begin with.

My advice would be to not go crawling back or incessantly try to reach her. That's a sign of desperation, and certain women thrive off of that crap. Approach it with a very direct "can we talk about it?" angle and see what her reaction is.
 
Violet Indy said:
They sound more like ho's than feminists as far as I'm concerned.

Thanks for the level headed, common sense reply!:hat:

I'm glad we have some representation from accross the aisle...

This is/was Harrison Ford's daughter-in-law!

What a shame.

My favorite quote:

"I'm suddenly distracted by the realisation she took her husband's name in marriage, (and kept it in divorce)."
 

Violet

Moderator Emeritus
Rocket Surgeon said:
Thanks for the level headed, common sense reply!:hat:

I'm glad we have some representation from accross the aisle...

This is/was Harrison Ford's daughter-in-law!

What a shame.

My favorite quote:

"I'm suddenly distracted by the realisation she took her husband's name in marriage, (and kept it in divorce)."

Love that quote! (y). I feel more sorry for HF's son than for her. What she had to say certainly didn't paint a nice picture of what kind of person she is. So I guess she married him coz he had money and was HF's son? And now, writing a book on gold digging being the smart thing to do (and a new way for her to make money! Ha!).

As a young woman (that's now 21) to me, the smart thing to do for a woman if she wants security is to have her own career and not to depend on nailing a rich fella. There's not enough rich guys in the world for all the single gals in the world, so the idea of marrying money is really not practical advice for all single women. I can understand a gal not selling herself short (as in her body not being for free for a one night stand) and so quickly, but all for money, well, I certainly can't do it.
 
Violet Indy said:
Love that quote! (y). I feel more sorry for HF's son than for her. What she had to say certainly didn't paint a nice picture of what kind of person she is. So I guess she married him coz he had money and was HF's son? And now, writing a book on gold digging being the smart thing to do (and a new way for her to make money! Ha!).

As a young woman (that's now 21) to me, the smart thing to do for a woman if she wants security is to have her own career and not to depend on nailing a rich fella. There's not enough rich guys in the world for all the single gals in the world, so the idea of marrying money is really not practical advice for all single women. I can understand a gal not selling herself short (as in her body not being for free for a one night stand) and so quickly, but all for money, well, I certainly can't do it.

The thing is there is are people out there who unabashedly subscribe to this philosophy and are vying for approval.

The idea of a trophy wife is a joke among men and women, and trophy wives are FIGHTING BACK! Lol! It's pretty funny. By the way there are Himbos too.

It's important to understand that a marriage IS a contract and two people DO form a partnership. But to divorce love, (excepting the love of comfort and money) from the equation makes it a business deal, and tandemount to prostitution!

That's the pivot of their argument, they prize comfort and cash over love and companionship.

So think about that Hachi when you're bent about some girl running you through the ringer. Pulling your strings to make you dance like a monkey is not love. You should find someone that wants to be with you.
 

Violet

Moderator Emeritus
Rocket Surgeon said:
The thing is there is are people out there who unabashedly subscribe to this philosophy and are vying for approval.

The idea of a trophy wife is a joke among men and women, and trophy wives are FIGHTING BACK! Lol! It's pretty funny. By the way there are Himbos too.

Himbos! I think I've dated a couple of them in high school. They were enough to turn me off for nearly four years now. :eek: Luckily, I've picked a career which can fulfill a lifestyle and that I enjoy. I've got gal friends that haven't picked a passion, just a qualification and career that supposedly has enough jobs (which in this recession, such an ideal has proved to be not quite accurate in those supposedly more normal industries), that have become quite desperate for a man in their lives and they're all gals around the same age as me. One of those gals, who only dated this guy for a year (and for about four months of that year, he was in Japan, studying on exchange), has moved in together and are virtually in a state of marriage (there's love there, at least, on her end, but I'm not so sure about him). The gals don't realise there's an entire lifetime to be had and a much bigger world to be explored, not just the men in it.

And you're right, marriage without love is a business contract for long term prostitution. I've got a couple of relatives (yes, female ones) who have subscribed to the idea of gold digging. It doesn't pay off in the long run from what I've seen on the outside.
 

monkey

Guest
This has certainly turned out to be an interesting thread.

Very interesting ideas about Love and Marriage.

I agree very much with a dispassionate approach to marriage.

The whole idea of 'starry eyed' Love, and the idea that there is only ONE TRUE LOVE in the whole world for you, is silly.

Odd, that most people find the ONE PERSON IN THE "WHOLE WORLD" who is their TRUE LOVE ....in their home town.

Anyway, I think that the true test of Marriage is this: Can you fall in love with each other AFTER you are married? Like maybe several years AFTER? ....If so, then you will have a successful marriage.

Before marriage it is all about SEX, and $$, .....and it really makes sense that it should be. It is modern day Natural Selection.

I have no problem with Gold Diggers, as long as after they are married, they can fall in love with their spouses.
 

DocWhiskey

Well-known member
monkey said:
Before marriage it is all about SEX, and $$, .....and it really makes sense that it should be. It is modern day Natural Selection.

Not every relationship is about sex and money.

I mean, most are, but not every single couple's together because they just like the hanky panky. Sex makes the relationship better (if you're good at it mind you) but it doesn't ALWAYS have to solely rely on that. Hopefully there's more to your relationship than sex because even though it's the bee's knees, you do need a bit more than that or it simply doesn't work out long term.

And, hell, sometimes it doesn't work out anyway.

But I'm a young guy, I'm not married. I solely base my marriage knowledge on what I've heard from stand up comedy. So my opinion is practically worthless on this subject.:p
 

Violet

Moderator Emeritus
Arguments do happen in any healthy relationship, though it's how often it happens, that you should pay attention to.

If it happens a lot, then perhaps it's time you two had a talk. A talk doesn't always mean ultimate disaster or break up, it's really just an airing out.
 

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Similar song and dance yet again. Girl seems interested. End up dating for a brief time. Than I get the I can't be with you speech :(


Why does something ALWAYS go wrong :confused:
 

The Drifter

New member
Rocket Surgeon said:
'cause you haven't met the right person yet...one you like sure. But not one who likes you bumps and all.

Wise words.
Nurch', you'll find someone. Just don't stress it too much.
 

Henry W Jones

New member
Nurhachi1991 said:
Similar song and dance yet again. Girl seems interested. End up dating for a brief time. Than I get the I can't be with you speech :(


Why does something ALWAYS go wrong :confused:

Don't fret!!!! Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one. And when you do you'll have a bunch wild stories to tell her about the crazy women you dated before her. I was 31 when I finally found someone I could tolerate and likewise. I met a lot of women over those 31 years and had a lot of good times but in the end it didn't work out with them for one reason or another. The one piece of advice I can give is....Don't let nobody bring you down!!!! If she is the right one it should work naturally. Even through the rough patches. Good Luck!!!
 

kongisking

Active member
I have plenty of experience in the "jealous of another dude" department, 'hachi, so I think I can realistically say that jealousy is a very unpleasant and cruel monster that refuses to let go of your privates, instead squeezing harder and harder until you're afraid your golden eggs will crack. :eek:
 

Nurhachi1991

Well-known member
Thanks alot all of you :) Jealously was not an issue this time around she just diddn't want to date any more and had some valid reasons that I did understand. I still care about her and I like to think she cares about me. Idk but thanks for your advice and concern you guy's are the best :hat:
 

Montana Smith

Active member
Nurhachi1991 said:
Thanks alot all of you :) Jealously was not an issue this time around she just diddn't want to date any more and had some valid reasons that I did understand. I still care about her and I like to think she cares about me. Idk but thanks for your advice and concern you guy's are the best :hat:

Don't worry. One day, when you're probably in your late fifties, you'll be hunting for flying saucers in Peru and your long lost ideal woman will turn up...and make you wish you'd gone to Venezuela instead! :p
 
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