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Old 08-27-2004, 02:45 PM   #51
IndyMcFly
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Quote:
Originally posted by Finn
Question: What is this thing I'm thinking about now?
Clues: Arnold Schwartzenegger has a long one. George W. Bush has a short one. The Pope doesn't have it at all. What is it?

Pick your guesses, answer to come...


Last name.

In Christ,
Shane
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Old 08-27-2004, 02:50 PM   #52
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Quote:
Originally posted by Finn
Question: What is this thing I'm thinking about now?
Clues: Arnold Schwartzenegger has a long one. George W. Bush has a short one. The Pope doesn't have it at all. What is it?

Pick your guesses, answer to come...

---"


Hm. I'll say... a temper?

Quote:
Originally posted by IndyMcFly
Last name.

In Christ,
Shane


Ooh, good guess Indy McF!
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Old 08-27-2004, 03:21 PM   #53
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Quote:
Originally posted by IndyMcFly
Last name.
Yep, we have a winner.
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Old 08-27-2004, 03:31 PM   #54
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And now for some elephant jokes...

How do you kill a rainbow elephant?
Hold him underwater till he bleeds.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck.

Why was the noseless elephant emberassed at the swimming hole?
He forgot his trunks.

If you think these are bad, I can get worse...far, far worse.
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Old 08-27-2004, 03:31 PM   #55
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Yay McFly! Woo-hoo!
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Old 08-27-2004, 04:45 PM   #56
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Thank you, thank you... seemed like the logical guess to me. Yours makes sense too... but I've never heard of a "long temper." Maybe a slow one... hmmmm!

In Christ,
Shane
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Old 08-27-2004, 05:37 PM   #57
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Two Catholic priests were discussing how to use the charity donations.

"I draw a circle on the floor," the first one explained. "Everything that drops inside the line is God's and what falls outside belongs to me."

"My method is way simpler," told the second. "I just throw the money into air and shout, 'Lord, take what you need!'... everything falling back to Earth are mine."
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Old 08-27-2004, 06:44 PM   #58
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A Catholic priest, a Baptist pastor, and a rabbi are discussing life.

The priest says, "Life begins even before an egg is fertilized. God knows you before you're born, before you have a shape."

The pastor says, "No no no... life starts after it's fertilized, and when it begins to take the form of a human being."

The rabbi says, "You're both wrong. Life starts when the dog dies, and the kids move out."


In Christ,
Shane
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Old 08-28-2004, 09:49 AM   #59
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Here's one that is hilarious and G rating. The joke is a lot better if you do really funny voices for the Chief.

This joke is set in the Old West

An indian chief walks into the trading post of a little western town. He says to the store keeper:

Chief "Chief want toilet paper."

Shop Keeper "Ok Chief, we have 3 kinds. 1st kind is Charmin, Very Nice and soft. $2.50 per roll."

The Chief counts his money and thinks for a moment and says:

Chief "No, No, No. That to much. What else do you have."

Shopkeeper "Well I have Gentle brand toilet paper. Soft and nice. $1.25 per roll.

Chief "No, No. Still to much what else do you have."

Shopkeeper "Well I have this offbrand toilet paper. $0.50 cents per roll.

Chief (Smiles) "Ah yes, that the right toilet paper. 1 roll please"

So the next day the Chief goes back to the store. He looks mad and says

Chief "I no like John Wayne Toilet Paper."

Shopkeeper "John Wayne Toilet Paper?????"

Chief "Yes, John Wayne Toilet Paper. It is rough, tough, and it don't take no sh!t of no Indian"

Over and Out
Kris "Indy_Jones88"
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Old 08-28-2004, 11:55 AM   #60
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Ha ha ha!

That is good... I like that one too. Poor chief.

On a side note, it just so happens that a priest at my church (also happens to be my favorite priest) is the grandson of John Wayne! Lucky guy... only, John Wayne was on his mother's side, so he has a different last name. Oh well - he's still a relative.

In Christ,
Shane
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Old 08-28-2004, 12:16 PM   #61
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Judging from the last line of the joke, it seems like a PG rating to me, Kris.
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Old 08-28-2004, 12:38 PM   #62
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Quote:
Originally posted by IndyMcFly
Ha ha ha!

That is good... I like that one too. Poor chief.

On a side note, it just so happens that a priest at my church (also happens to be my favorite priest) is the grandson of John Wayne! Lucky guy... only, John Wayne was on his mother's side, so he has a different last name. Oh well - he's still a relative.

In Christ,
Shane


Thanks, I got that joke from my dad.

That is cool that he is related to John Wayne. Does he try to imitate him or anything? Does he do the classic John Wayne accent? That would be cool.

And Whipem, i am sorry if I miss rated it. I have seen kids movies worse than that joke. Stuart Little says 4 or 5 cuss words in it and it is a kids movie. But I am sorry for mis rating it.

Over and Out,
Kris "Indy_Jones88"
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Old 08-28-2004, 12:38 PM   #63
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An Indian chief was having enormous gas pain and he sent his right-hand warrior to visit the town doctor. The doctor poured some mixture from a large bottle to smaller one and told the warrior to take it to the chief. A day later, the warrior returns.

"Great chief no fart."

The doctor made a stronger mixture and sent the warrior away, just to see him return again day later.

"Great chief no fart."

Time for even more stomach-capping liquids. And again... the warrior returns.

"Great chief no fart."

Now the doctor, overly frustrated, makes the mother of all mixtures, puts everything he can just think into it, and even a bit extra and sends the warrior away. But still, the warrior returns next day, though this time he looks very unhappy.

"What is it?" inquires the doctor, his bag of tricks now empty.

"Great fart no chief."
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Old 08-29-2004, 07:08 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally posted by Indy_Jones88
Thanks, I got that joke from my dad.

That is cool that he is related to John Wayne. Does he try to imitate him or anything? Does he do the classic John Wayne accent? That would be cool.

And Whipem, i am sorry if I miss rated it. I have seen kids movies worse than that joke. Stuart Little says 4 or 5 cuss words in it and it is a kids movie. But I am sorry for mis rating it.

Over and Out,
Kris "Indy_Jones88"

Don't worry, Kris, it wasn't personal, if you took it that way.
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Old 08-29-2004, 07:16 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally posted by whipem
Don't worry, Kris, it wasn't personal, if you took it that way.


Whipem,

Ok good, Thank You. I was worried I had made you mad. I am relieved that I didn't

Over and Out,
Kris "Indy_Jones88"
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Old 08-30-2004, 09:00 AM   #66
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Great jokes, guys! Keep 'em comin'!
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Old 08-30-2004, 10:34 AM   #67
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Okay, let's tell a sports joke for change... did anybody follow the Stanley Cup finals? If you did, good... then you might get this.

It was two weeks after the finals, and the Flames Captain Jarome Iginla hadn't ventured to stick his nose out from his flat, so ashamed and afraid of the fans he was. But finally, when the supplies were running out, Mr. Iginla decided to go out, just for a quick visit to the store.

But not without a disguise. Iginla pulled on an old dress, wore a woolly cap and a wig and practiced a walk bent upright a little. Finally a walking stick in hand and he would go perfectly for a harmless old grandma.

Iginla got to the store, took what he needed (lot of canned goods, of course), and was heading to the cash register to pay them when he heard a voice say behind him: "Hi, Jaro!"

Iginla got so scared that he left his cart there where it was and scurried off the store, back to his apartment. He waited a couple of hours, then decided to try again. Again to the store, quick pick-up for what he needed and he was heading out. Then it happened again.
"Hey, Jaro!"
"You must be mistaken..." Iginla squaked without looking behind him and quickly left the store.

Third try. Again, the grandma costume on and to buy the foodstuffs. When he was picking up the goods an old lady came standing beside him, and carefully asked: "Jaro?"
Iginla shrieked again, but this time decided to face his fate whatever it was.
"Okay, I am Jarome Iginla. How did you recognize me?
"Don't you know me?" the old lady whispered, lifting her hat a bit. "Kipper here."
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Old 08-30-2004, 03:42 PM   #68
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Here's a dandy:

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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Old 08-31-2004, 12:29 PM   #69
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For All Weight and Health Conscious People!

As we now know, Dr. Atkins was 258 lbs. at the time of his death, an obese weight for a man 6' tall.

For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1.. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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Old 09-01-2004, 04:04 PM   #70
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I was once reading a travel magazine (dont ask which one, I've forgotten myself...)
This guy was in Russia, and sitting around a campfire with a bunch of russians...and they tell this joke...
"This man finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie comes out and says...'you may make three wishes, but for every one you make your neighbor gets double of what you wish for'...so the guy says 'Ok, take one of my eyes out' ." !!!!!
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Old 09-06-2004, 08:32 AM   #71
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Quote:
Originally posted by Finn
That's an old German car model, not exactly famous for its speed or relibiality...


Do you mean Ford Taunus? I thought that Ford is American .
http://www.fordtaunus.de/
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Old 09-06-2004, 09:59 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally posted by VP
Do you mean Ford Taunus? I thought that Ford is American .
http://www.fordtaunus.de/
Just a sec... okay, now I must have mixed Taunus, Taurus and Trabant. Too many T's.
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Old 09-07-2004, 04:12 AM   #73
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Trabant rules.
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Old 09-07-2004, 07:14 AM   #74
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Trabi indeed does.
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Old 09-07-2004, 09:56 AM   #75
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So this duck walks into a super market and turns to the store clerk and says , “Got any grapes?”

Store clerk looks at him funny and says, “No, we don’t sell grapes.”

“Ok!” the duck waddles out.

Next day the duck walks into the store and asks, “Got any grapes?”

“I told you yesterday, we don’t sell grapes.”

“Ok!” Duck leaves.

Next day duck walks in and says “got any grapes?”

“No! I told you we don’t sell grapes! Next time you come and ask me that, I’ll staple your feet to the floor!”

“Ok!” the duck waddles out.

Next day duck walks in and says “Got any staples?”

Clerk hesitates before saying, “No.”

“Good! Got any grapes?”
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