well, i'll try something different, a funny phone conversation i had recently.
i was calling hospital ward A1 because i was missing an EDTA test tube for an analysis on vitamin B1.
me: central lab, hello, i'm missing an EDTA tube of Mr. Müller. A1: hm let me see. this was for vitamin B6, wasn't it? me: nope, EDTA is for B1. A1: oh, then you have the wrong number, this is ward A1.
it's a worrying fact that i have conversations like this almost every day.
Here's a good one. There's only three people left on a plane and it's dropping altitude fast. It's going to crash. On the plane their is Bill Gates, a buddist and a hippie there's only two parachutes left. Bill Gates grabs a pack and says "Well I'm the most intelegant man in the world and I must live. So he jumps. The buddist turns to the hippie and smiles and rasies his hand. "Child I have lived an honorable life and I must realize that Budda has called my name to join in in my afterlife. The hippie looks at the buddist and says "Hey brother you don't need to stay behind! "Why is that?" the buddist asks. Because the smartest man in the world grabbed my backpack!
I quote a classic:
Bart: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss?
Moe: Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high...
Moe: You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage sown your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt!
Laughingstock: an amused herd of cattle. Coffee: one who is coughed upon Eyedropper: a clumsy optometrist Paradox: two physicians Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you've gained Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline Zebra: ze garment which covers ze bosom Algebra: a fungi which grows on an undergarment Lemon: a French Rastaman Cardiology: the study of card games Monopoly: poor poly's disease Carpet: A furry companion living in your dashboard Unroll : A breadstick Asertain: a well defined buttox Neighbours: The sound a horse makes when it is bored Asphalt: An Urn you keep a dead loved one in Baseboard: a four stringed instrument that rarely gets any use Mountain Range: A stove used for cooking at high altitudes. Sterio: The new rival to your favorate cookie Rasin Bread: "He was Raised Imbred!" Mutant: The opposite of a talkative ant Mouse pad: For those "light days" for your pet rodent Window: First place in a baking contest Kleenex: A richer part of a red neck community Tomato: the process of what happens when there are too many horomones in your toes People: A mark put out to determine where one has gone to the washroom Locusts: When one swears silently Gaping: Shopping at the Gap Kingdom: the intelectual status of Prince Charles in a few years
A missionary is sent into the deepest, darkest part of Africa to live with a tribe.
He spends years with the people, teaching them to read and write, and preaching to them about the good Christian ways of the white man.
One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin: Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!
One day, the wife of one of the tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white baby.
The village is shocked and the chief is sent to talk with the missionary.
"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here, a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Even Stevie Wonder could see what's been going on!"
The missionary replies, "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See the flock of white sheep, and yet amongst them, one of them is black. Nature does this on occasion."
"Tell you what," the chief says, "You never mention the sheep again, and I won't say anything about the baby."