Something I really need to let you guys know?

Canyon

Well-known member
Recently, something very big has come up in my life which I thought that I needed to share with you.

This is something that came up a couple of months ago, and is something that I have been meaning to post for some time.

There is no easy way to say this but I?m afraid that both me and my husband Iain have decided to part.

Firstly, as I have said above, this is something that came up a few months ago. I would just like to point out that this is an amicable split, and there is no animosity between us. We have also decided that we would like to remain friends as we have known each other for eleven years, and still respect each other as people.

For several months now, myself and Iain have been drifting further and further apart and we have both decided that it would be best to break it off now before it gets to the stage where resentment begins to set in and we end up hating each other. We have looked at the situation and have decided that this would also be for the best, especially as neither of us have children, and we do not want it to get to the stage where we are just staying together because this is what we are used to. To be honest with you, both myself and Iain are very different people to what we were eleven years ago and over the months, we have both gone in different directions and both want different things.

I would also like to point out that in no way has this happened because of my interest in Indiana Jones and the time that I spend on the internet. Both myself and Iain spend a lot of time on the internet, and I hope that people don?t think that we have split because of my other interests. Despite the fact that I do have a great love of all things Indy and indeed films in general, this has never gotten in the way of our relationship.

I am posting this because I consider you guys to be my extended family. Iain will be keeping the computer, and I will therefore have to buy a new one when I move into my next place. Also, I am posting this news, because in the next couple of months, I will be offline for a few weeks, getting settled into my new flat (wherever that will be!) and it may take me some time to get a computer set up etc, but I will let you know when this is nearer the time. We are now looking at selling the house and along with getting a divorce and finding a new place to live, this means that we are both looking at a very stressful time in our lives.

I know this news must be of a great shock to some of you, but I had to let you guys know because I look upon all of you as my extended family and have a great deal of respect for all of you.

I think this qualifies as one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to write, and I sincerely hope that its not been too difficult for you to read.




Stella (a.k.a. Canyon)
 

Rick5150

New member
Stella,
A post like this is always difficult to read. You are a truly great person who has a knack for making everybody you communicate with feel like the most important person in the world. What you are doing has got to be one of the hardest things in anybody's life to do, but you both are showing a great deal of intelligence by not trying to pretend everything will be all right and making things worse in the long run. If any of us "internet family" can be of any help, you just name it. I wish you the best of luck and will hope for your speedy return to the internet.

Highest Regards, Rick
 

vaxer

Moderator Emeritus
I'm sure you and your husband have taken the right decisions. It is wise to dare open your eyes on the reality of things especially when it hurts. Such a separation will be hard, but I'm sure you have enought faith in yourself and in life to move on. You have our support, good luck.
 

Kate

New member
Good luck, Canyon.....it always hard to put those kinds of things into words. I'm glad you decided to share it with us, though, and I'll be happy to help you in any way I can. Love ya,
- Kate
 

Webley

New member
Wow what can I say I am like speechless this is a real bummer and I hope you will be ok.
Dan
 

Canyon

Well-known member
I've been reading all of your replies and I am stunned.

I would just like to say a big "thank you" to everyone for your replies and support. The fact that it's amicable is going to make things a lot easier, although I know that the path ahead is going to be a difficult one, you guys are really helping to making things a helluva lot easier for me, and I really appreciate that. :D

Thanks once again. ;)
 
I

Indy_Jones88

Guest
Sorry to here the news, it is very sad. The important thing is that you do the right thing and you both agree on the decision. Well if there is anything I can do, just let me know. Good Luck.

Best Wishes,
Kris "Indy_Jones88"
 

Aaron H

Moderator Emeritus
I hope that we will get to have you back shortly! (I'm selfish!)

I also hope that both of you will continue to live healthy and productive lives...even if you aren't together any longer.

It is good to hear that you will still be friends, and I hope it will always remain that way.

If you need anything, like a virtual ear to bend, I'll be here.:)
 

LASTCRUSADER

New member
These things are never easy. I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure everything will work out for you in the end.

Kevin "LASTCRUSADER"
 

Indyologist

Well-known member
Canyon (aka Stella), my heart just jumped into my mouth and I actually felt a stab of pain when I read this! I'm so sorry to hear that you and your husband are unhappy. Before you make any major plans, have you considered trying marriage counseling? Please, please do because they can help A LOT. That way, you can both get an honest opinion from an objective source who can give you advice to regain intimacy with each other and iron out any problems. If it's too expensive, I'm sure there are charities in your area (such as Catholic Charities) that have excellent and professional counseling services for couples.

I hope you will consider giving counseling a try before you "officially" split. I hate to see ANY marriage fall apart, especially that of someone I like as much as I like you.

I'm also touched that you consider us members of your "extended family." I feel that way about people here, too. When someone here hurts, I hurt too. When someone here's happy, so am I. But then, that's the way it should be.

Okay, everyone seems to be doing this, so--
Jennifer (aka "Indyologist")
 
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Finn

Moderator
Staff member
Well, in my opinion relationships are one constant roller coaster... sometimes you go up, sometimes you go down and fast. And the ride's not over before the big man pulls the stopping switch.

Okay, bad metaphor, I know, but it would be interesting to know little more of the backrounds... you know, to find out if something could be salvaged. What Indyologist said. I kinda back her up on this one. If not professionals, at least have a good long talk with someone you know as a rational thinker (preferably face to face).

But of course, it's going to need two of you to turn the ship (if it's to be turned).

-Finn (a.k.a Finn... <small>yes! That's what they call me? You have a problem with that?</small>)
 

Canyon

Well-known member
Thanks guys.

Indyologist, I really appreciate your advice and I understand where you're coming from. Myself and Iain have spoken about this a few times, but we both feel that we have really come to the end of the relationship, and both feel that no amount of counselling from anyone is going to change things.

I'm afraid its not just a case of trying to iron out any problems. It's a lot bigger than that. There are also other issues as well, and by this I do not mean involvement with another person. I am referring to things that I really can't go into on this messageboard.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking marriage counselling, and I'm sure that it works for many people. As I have said earlier in my post, I have known Iain for eleven years, and over the course of that time, we have both changed a great deal as people, and we can never get back the relationship that we once had.

Indyologist, I really do appreciate your concern and I am sorry to hear that it hurt you when you read my post. I'm also glad that you like the fact that I consider you guys to be part of my extended family. ;)
 

Indyologist

Well-known member
No problem, Canyon, I know you're not knocking counseling. Some couples don't think to take that avenue, so I thought I'd mention it. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't working out. At least you're mature enough to face reality and make an informed decision, as difficult and painful as that decision may be. I feel it's always better to face facts and confront problems than to live within a lie.

I'll be praying that the both of you would have peace with your decision, that there would be no hard feelings between you and that you will both be able to iron out all the messy details with grace and ease. God bless you both.

Canyon, we're here for ya!
 
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