Lonsome_Drifter said:
Well, why did you read Twilight to start with?
Just to warn you, it's impossible for me to talk about why I read Twilight without talking about how badly it sucked.
So this is going to be very long.
WARNING: Spoilers involved.
It was a successful book, so I read the first four to determine what the SECRET of success was. I was very, very disappointed by what I found. I'd actually thought it was GOOD before, despite the fact that I had to struggle through the first two books because they were so darn boring. But if you dig deeper into the Twilight series, you'll find that most (if not all) of each book involves describing at least one of four things:
- how totally hawt Edward is
- how Bella feels when she's nestled against his perfect marble chest
- how she feels when she's around Jacob and the fact that he loves him but loves Edward at the same time and how she hates herself for also loving Jacob
- how Bella feels when she's forced to stay away from Edward or the Cullens.
So basically the only reason why the book is so good is that it's about EDDD13EE CULL3N!!!!111!11!!!11!!21!2111!!! being handsome.
Twilight's plot is completely messed up, and if you manage to get past all of the descriptions of Edward's sparkly, ice-cold skin, you'll realize Stephenie Meyer just threw out a bunch of random, contradictory ideas, put them down on paper, and published them. Like these:
- One of the characters, Rosalie Cullen (vampire) was born in 1915, during the Great Depression. She was supposedly rich and happy.
- Carlisle Cullen, the "dad" of the Cullens (not the real dad because vampires technically can't have kids) turned people from humans into vampires to save their lives. But he turned his "wife" Esme into a vampire because she broke her leg.
- Bella's parents were actually OKAY with her marrying Edward, who was "frozen" as a teenager about a hundred years ago. Teen marriage=BAD.
- Stephenie Meyer's vampires sparkle in the sun, are not allergic to garlic/anything holy, and are just all-around Mary Sues/Gary Stus.
- Since Stephenie Meyer's vampires are immortal and physically frozen at the year in which they were bitten, how could no one have caught the Cullens after 300+ years?
- The Volturi, which are like the kings of the vampire community, are respected by many vampires. And they're cowards.
- And speaking of the Volturi, in Breaking Dawn, they go to punish the Cullens for supposedly doing something bad, and then they Magically Happen To Not Arrive Until The Cullens Have Gathered Witnesses.
In addition to Twilight's plot being a total failure of writing, Stephenie Meyer is also a failure at developing likable characters with which the reader can identify. They are so perfect in every way, shape and form, and if the characters had any flaws those flaws were so shockingly horrid that it immediately makes you want to hate that character instead if identify with him or her.
Examples:
- Isabella Swan (Bella)- Her only flaw is clumsiness, and I don't really understand how that detracts from her being a Mary Sue. She's smart, gorgeous, popular, all the boys have a crush on her, etc. Her last name is also Swan, and while I have nothing against any real people whose last names are Swan, most Mary Sues have unusual/overly unique names. But the one thing is: she NEVER LEARNS ANYTHING throughout the entire book. A book isn't a book unless the main character goes through some kind of development/learns an important life lesson at the end. If not, then it's just a bunch of text that might as well have been a nonfiction essay.
When she becomes a vampire and joins the Cullens, who don't feed on human blood, she goes out to hunt some animals with Edward. Then she smells some humans and is able to RESIST the temptation on her very first try. Do I even need to explain why this is absurd?
Bella is also impervious to most vampires' powers and can protect others against those powers as well, which makes any battle against the Volturi a breeze.
- Edward Cullen- Yes, Robert Patterson is hot, but I don't understand why anyone in the world would want to date him. I mean, he's smart, handsome, and all the girls have a crush on him, but Edward...is perverted and abusive. He watches Bella while she sleeps, licks her, and even gets her pregnant on accident. (And then Demon Spawn Renesmee, who technically can't exist, almost kills her mom! Hooray! )
Along with all that, Edward is completely in control of Bella- he decides where to take her, he decides who her friends are, and he even tries to get rid of Jacob because he doesn't want any competition for his affections. Abusive, much? (And Stephenie Meyer thinks it's romantic!)
- Renesmee Cullen- The daughter of Bella and Edward Cullen, who is technically not supposed to exist (more on this later.) Okay, she IS cute in a childish way, but the thing is, Meyer made her grow so incredibly fast, that two days after her birth, "Nessie" is already looking like a two-month-old. A vampire named Irina sees Nessie and thinks she is a dangerous immortal child (which is a human infant bitten by a vampire, and dangerous because the child has superhuman strength and can wipe out whole villages; also doesn't understand you when you talk to it). Irina reports Renesmee to the Volturi, who arrive at their slower-than-heck pace, but Renesmee conveniently has the ability to transfer images by touching your skin, therefore giving her the ability to communicate even though she is just a baby. And by the time the Volturi arrive, Renesmee conveniently reaches the stage in life in which she can learn how to speak.
When Nessie was still in her mother's womb, the local werewolf pack (a group of Quileute boys plus one girl) wanted to destroy her. However, Jacob, the other person who loves Bella (and who would be a much better match for her) just so happened to be around when Nessie was born, and he imprinted on her, which basically means that some mystical magical force decided that Jacob and Nessie were destined to be together for life. Since no werewolf would kill the "object", as Meyer says, of another werewolf's imprinting, Nessie and the Cullens are saved.
- Renée Dweyer- Bella's mom. She ditches her husband, Charlie Swan, who lives in Forks, just because it's so rainy. And in doing so, she proves that she has a terrible judgment in choosing husbands (if Renée can't take the freezing rain, why marry a guy who lives in Washington? Why even go there?) Even worse, no one even SAYS anything about it. Not even Bella.
She's just a silly, babbling idiot who slightly reminds me of Chessamay Chestnut Abajian Wing Marshall Wing Sinclair Alvarez from Lisa Yee's Absolutely Maybe but she's not that much of a sissy.
- Maggie (vampire in the Irish coven)- Some vampires bring their strongest personality trait into their vampire life as a special power when they are bitten. Maggie just happens to have the special power of knowing when she's being lied to, which really comes in handy when she is asked to be a witness to the fact that Renesmee is not an immortal child.
- Siobhan (Irish coven)- She has the special talent of "making whatever she wants to happen immediately happen on the spot." I call it giving her an excuse to get whatever she wants. Siobhan was also a witness to Renesmee's un-immortal child-ness against the Volturi, so she could conveniently will the Volturi to go away.
- Carlisle Cullen- He *says* he's humane, but he turns people into vampires without their consent and isn't above experimenting with some of his patients. End of story.
- Irina (Denali coven)- WHY did she have to share names with The Great Irina Spalko? WHYHYHYHY?
That is a fault in itself. Irina Denali could NEVER compare to Irina Jon- er, I mean, Spalko. Hehe.
Twilight also takes place in what would seem to be our universe- except the facts are scarily inaccurate:
- Forks is NOT the rainiest place in Washington (even though it is listed in the top 3.) But Meyer said that it WAS the rainiest place.
- With thevampires' rock-hard diamond skin, they wouldn't even be able to MOVE. Same limitations as armor, except more amplified.
- Meyer says werewolves have 24 chromosomes. Vampires have 26 chromosomes. Well, humans have...23 chromosomes. And even though getting bitten by a vampire turns you INTO a vampire, you cannot add chromosomes to a creature. Not even if you exposed it to really high radiation.
Werewolves also have a certain "werewolf gene", which is probably the 24th chromosome, that gets turned on if there are vampires in an area. Not scientifically possible, because if the gene never gets turned on, the werewolf might as well be an ordinary human. And if a person gets 3 copies of the same chromosome, well, they either die or if they get a third copy of the 21st chromosome, they get Down syndrome. So that pretty much rules out the "werewolf gene" thing.
And also, if vampires and humans had different amounts of chromosomes, they can't be genetically compatible. So sorry, Nessie, but you would never have been conceived in real life.
As for sparkles? Make me laugh. There's no way you can do that unless you're made of a mineral. I know there can be silicon-based life forms, but we are carbon-based, not silicon-based, and besides, vampires have 3 more chromosomes than us.
- Quileute boys do go on quests so they can find their supernatural powers, but they have no legends about werewolves.
[*]Stephenie Meyer said it herself: she doesn't do research. End of story.
------
Whew, that was long. (And I think I still might have left out a few things, lol...)
Hope that explains everything for you