hello there, we have been asked to write a ghost story for our English class and then it goes on our permanent record.
my teacher told us that it was best to get opinions on our story's so we could check for errors and stuff...
any way here is my story so far. il post the rest when i have finished writing it.(sorry for any bad spelling)
i used some names from fable two like captain dread, and the marina is part of the name the Marianne
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"i saw him, terrifying enough to strike fear into all your souls,
he wont stop untill he has all our souls sold to the marina" Growled Old man Mcgreogor as he
gulped down another bottle of beer.
The Marina is a ship, a ship that belong to the most terrifying pirate to ever exist.
Captain Dread was his name, and not one person would even utter his name without thinking twice.
There was a painting of the Marina on the wall of Erika and sashas' father's tavern and every night Old Man
Mcgreogor would tell them storys about it and the fear that was contained inside. The ship itself was tattered on the outside
with worn paint an torn sails, it was very tall and covered in cobwebs, and nobody had ever entered it
until that day.
Erika and Sasha had heard enough of what their father had to say about Old Man Mcgreogor, and decided
to prove, once and for all, that the ship was in fact haunted.
"Look!" Erika began "you have no right to say things about Mr Mcgreogor in the way that you do, thats why i propose
that Sasha and myself go and investigate The Marina tonight and prove that you may in fact be wrong"
"If you said so" sasha whispered to her sister sounding unsure.
It was starting to get dark and in the distance storm clouds could be seen approaching the isolated village.
Despite the warnings the girls recieved from their father, the villagers and even Old Man Mcgreogor, they refused to give in.
After being refused a lift from their father in their horse and carriage, they had no other option but to walk to The Marina.
Erika was confident,sometimes too confident for her own good, she had no idea of how dangerous her actions were,
Sasha on the other hand was absoloutley terrified,
and as she suffled along the cobbled road, trying to catch up with her sister, now skipping and humming a tune,
her mind was filling up with all kinds of questions,questions she feared had an answer.
What if it was haunted?
What if Mr McGregor was right?
What if Captain Dread Did exist?
.....she would find out soon enough.
The Marina was in full sight now,and as the girls walked over to the ship, they felt a a blow of wind. It was a strange
type of wind, it felt silky across the face and had a burning sensation to it.
"aha!" said Erika as she walked along to the ship "here is the door leading inside" Shasha only answed with a stare.
"well, what are you waiting for, lets explore"
no answer
"dont worry, if a pirate comes, you can scream at them to death' she chuckled
Sasha finally chocked up an answer "ok then...wait what is that horrible smell"
Erika wasnt listening she was too busy trying to prise open the door, which was proving to be a difficult task
"Eri' dont you smell it..it smells like a rotting corpse" said Sasha, immediatly sounding terrified
"Hmmm what?" replied Erika turning aound 'oh yeah,so it does, never you worry about that now Sash'
we have more important things to worry about..look i have managed to open the door now,all we have to do is go inside and look for ghosts
its not as if they can hurt us, after all, they are, just spirits"
As the girls clambered inside The Marina,The door, which they had just used slammed shut behind them.Erika attempted to prise it open again
but it was locked and they was no way that the girls could open it again.
"brilliant!, now what" sasha shouted to her sister.
Erika stood therre, scilent for a few minuts, before thinking of an answer to her sisters question
"simple, we will go over to that small staircase over there and climb up on deck,then all we need to do is climb down the side of the ship, what could be harder?"..
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Indeed-- errors up the wazoo. Proofread and try again.
In the meantime, here's an excerpt from my latest work:
It wasn’t exactly rape, though it wasn’t far off. It was violent and distasteful and yet I continued to thrust with impunity. I say thrust, though it was more like stab. Each penetration drove us closer to total negation. This wasn’t punishment, it was deliverance, and I saw god’s eyes in the abject horror that animated her features. We were two feral animals fighting over a meal, eclipsed by the shadows cast by the monuments we’d made of ourselves. We were buildings in an earthquake—at once animated, alive for a brief moment, for a trembling orgasm and a shriek of twisted forms.
I pulled out and stretched my hands out behind me, leaning back. I couldn’t look at her. She sat in a lonely, pathetic, naked heap, and there lay bare more than just her body. She was nothing, and neither was I.
I was too disgusted to apologize and so I dressed. I didn’t look at her then, either.
I opened the door but couldn’t leave.
“Hey,” I said. “What’s your name anyway?”
“Mary,” she said softly.
“The virgin or the whore?”
“Tonight, I don’t even know.”
“I’m…”
“Sorry? Don’t be.”
“Leaving,” I corrected.
She was quiet then, even her sobs eased. I left.
I just went into third year in secondary school, i'm 14
i am working on the highest possible level at the moment in English, but i am worried about moving down a level because this story is pretty ba
il have to start again
I can't image most secondary schools expect a work of literary genius from a 14 year old but would expect a certain amount of understand of writing conventions.
I suppose the teachers excerise is less about the story and more about the forming of the story through criticism and prehaps the way you react and adapt.
I can't image most secondary schools expect a work of literary genius from a 14 year old but would expect a certain amount of understand of writing conventions.
I think we are to presume the OP is a non-native speaker. In some places, that level is still reserved for bare basics. I recall my own English being passable at best while I was in my early teens.
Heh, more than a decade of schooling on various levels, and it's still passable at best...
I think we are to presume the OP is a non-native speaker. In some places, that level is still reserved for bare basics. I recall my own English being passable at best while I was in my early teens.
Heh, more than a decade of schooling on various levels, and it's still passable at best...
The Queen of England will respect your effort and prehaps by way of whimsical guesture make you one of her knights.
Finn was right, one day he may be "Surfing", but not "Sir Finn".
Oh, and JJ, when Her Majesty came over earlier to borrow a cup of sugar, she asked me to remind everyone that she's the Queen of all the United Kingdom, though she'll begrudgingly let 'Empress of India' slide. She was too busy yesterday to go shopping - she went to Wimbledon to watch a bit of tennis, and was more than glad she hadn't originally asked to see the Isner v Mahut game...
Finn was right, one day he may be "Surfing", but not "Sir Finn".
Oh, and JJ, when Her Majesty came over earlier to borrow a cup of sugar, she asked me to remind everyone that she's the Queen of all the United Kingdom, though she'll begrudgingly let 'Empress of India' slide. She was too busy yesterday to go shopping - she went to Wimbledon to watch a bit of tennis, and was more than glad she hadn't originally asked to see the Isner v Mahut game...
I imagine Phil's already got the special brew in and has battered Buckingham Palace with flags of St George in anticpation of the big match on Sunday. He's so excited that he can't stop singing "e for Eng-er-land" especially the John Barnes rap.
But who is Liz going to support as she doesn't want to upset the relatives?
I imagine Phil's already got the special brew in and has battered Buckingham Palace with flags of St George in anticpation of the big match on Sunday. He's so excited that he can't stop singing "e for Eng-er-land" especially the John Barnes rap.
But who is Liz going to support as she doesn't want to upset the relatives?
Whenever England plays Greece it causes marital discord in Buck house, too.
- i do that when i type fast
