And there you said the cliché you fell in.
Actually, there are two of them. The first is a general assumption, and you made it even more clearer by giving us an opposite reflection. In the beginning, you showed us Indiana Jones with one of his girlfriends around the world, and gave us the expression that Jones was just looking for some fun, not being serious with her.
As with Vadoma, you might have as well bolded, underlined and written in it italics and couldn't have made it any more clearer that Indy's found the girl of his life... biiig mistake. Since as we all know, Indiana Jones is a very classic archtype of a hero and we will never ever see him ending up with together in the very final way. (At least not in that point of his life, though I would not be surprised if he actually had someone in Indy IV.)
And the second one, which you just also gave away, you obviously thought that it was an unique way to end the story. Nearly every writer who kills off the girl in the end thinks they have created something revolutionary, while in the reality, that truly is out of this handbook called "Cheesy Endings for Dummies", if you get what I mean. Of course, the reason for this everybody thinks that killing the love interest in the end may be a result of watching too many Bond films since in the end of those, 007 always gets the girl.
Okay, now one may wonder if the girl living in the end is a cliché and the girl dying at the end is a cliché, then what is not?
To be honest, none of them are clichés if the story is built in the way reader doesn't get any hints about how it might be... something in what you Monkey man failed miserably.
You slightly took your readers as simpletons in other cases too, by the way. You tend to underline the current emphasis in a scene overly too much to make clearly out that now they're excited, now the athmosphere is threatening, now they're relaxing, etcetera. While this, of course can bring a writer to the core sources of using good metaphors, it's also an insult towards the reader's intelligence.
But as I said, good work. You'll have to work out keeping the plot flowing more smoothly and get rid of writing so much out-of-place scenes, but as usual, the journey around the world starts with taking the first step. And more steps you take, more determined and secure your gait will become.
Actually, there are two of them. The first is a general assumption, and you made it even more clearer by giving us an opposite reflection. In the beginning, you showed us Indiana Jones with one of his girlfriends around the world, and gave us the expression that Jones was just looking for some fun, not being serious with her.
As with Vadoma, you might have as well bolded, underlined and written in it italics and couldn't have made it any more clearer that Indy's found the girl of his life... biiig mistake. Since as we all know, Indiana Jones is a very classic archtype of a hero and we will never ever see him ending up with together in the very final way. (At least not in that point of his life, though I would not be surprised if he actually had someone in Indy IV.)
And the second one, which you just also gave away, you obviously thought that it was an unique way to end the story. Nearly every writer who kills off the girl in the end thinks they have created something revolutionary, while in the reality, that truly is out of this handbook called "Cheesy Endings for Dummies", if you get what I mean. Of course, the reason for this everybody thinks that killing the love interest in the end may be a result of watching too many Bond films since in the end of those, 007 always gets the girl.
Okay, now one may wonder if the girl living in the end is a cliché and the girl dying at the end is a cliché, then what is not?
To be honest, none of them are clichés if the story is built in the way reader doesn't get any hints about how it might be... something in what you Monkey man failed miserably.
You slightly took your readers as simpletons in other cases too, by the way. You tend to underline the current emphasis in a scene overly too much to make clearly out that now they're excited, now the athmosphere is threatening, now they're relaxing, etcetera. While this, of course can bring a writer to the core sources of using good metaphors, it's also an insult towards the reader's intelligence.
But as I said, good work. You'll have to work out keeping the plot flowing more smoothly and get rid of writing so much out-of-place scenes, but as usual, the journey around the world starts with taking the first step. And more steps you take, more determined and secure your gait will become.