Indiana Jones facts

[I Don Quixote]

One time, Indiana Jones hit me in the face. It was awesome.

Indiana Jones isn't just king of the hill. He's also queen, prince, princess, duke, and jester.

When John Lennon said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, he actually meant they were bigger than Indiana Jones.

Indiana Jones didn't sleep with a teddy bear; a teddy bear slept with him.

When Indiana Jones plays basketball, the only shots he takes are full-court. And he makes them.

 

[Goodeknight]

21. Indiana Jones invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

hehehehe

Speaking of queens...

Indiana Jones can't be knighted because the sword would break.

Speaking of England...

Indiana Jones could never be the once and future king, because Excalibur belongs in a museum.

Mutt took Indiana Jones to a dude ranch for Father's Day. Jack Palance took one look at him and keeled over dead.

Indiana Jones built the Black Pearl, using scraps from an ark he made for Noah.

Fedoras were originally designed for women. (True) Then Indiana Jones wore one.

Man fears time. Time fears and pyramids. The pyramids fear Indiana Jones.

Indiana Jones doesn't need a whip to break the sound barrier.

Whips spontaneously crack in Indy's presence because they're scared.

Indiana Jones is so cool, only James Bond could be his dad.

 

[Stoo]

I found this list of Indiana Jones facts. If anyone has heard of any other ones, feel free to add them to this list.

Hate to be a killjoy but this thread is really freaking stupid. If there's one thing I despise, it's people trying to personify Indy as some kind of invincible, super-human "bad-ass". Yes, he is a tough guy but he is also a fallible human who survives his ordeals, largely, by sheer luck.

07. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Indiana Jones allows to live.

33. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Indiana Jones has allowed to live.

Who is the moron who made this list?

FACTS:
01) Indiana Jones is afraid of ALL snakes, even harmless ones! (What a p*ssy!)

02) If it wasn't for a certain propellor, Indiana Jones would have been severely beaten to a pulp.

03) Indiana Jones is a normal guy who can't jump over a 10 foot pit.

04) Indiana Jones needed an antidote to fight poison in his body. He couldn't do it alone.

05) More than once, Indiana Jones needed to be rescued by a child (Short Round) or several children (Sallah's kids).

06) Indiana Jones can't hold an artifact for too long before it gets taken away. (He is a LOSER!)

07) Indiana Jones succombed to the Black Sleep of Kali. (What a wet belly-buttoned wimp!)

08) Indiana Jones didn't even realize that his holster had been empty for a couple of days. (D'uh!)

09) A P-08 Luger (or P-38 Walther) killed 3 Germans in a row, not Indiana Jones.

10) Indiana Jones' horse moved away when he tried to jump on it. (Bwa-ha! Loser!)

11) If it wasn't for an ex-girlfriend with a gun, Indiana Jones would have been shot dead.

12) Indiana Jones didn't have the balls to confront his idiot dad about their sour relationship.

13) A continuity mistake (his strap caught on the tank's cannon) allowed Indiana Jones to live.

14) Like an old fart, Indiana Jones fell asleep when a chick wanted to have sex with him.

15) Indiana Jones needed a magical trunk to escape. (!?!) Yeah, magic trunks are f**king "bad-ass"!

---
FACT:
If luck wasn't on his side, Indiana Jones would be DEAD!

 

[Goodeknight]

Well, Stoo, your killjoy attitude and post really made me laugh. Nicely shot down.

I've seen this list (practically the same as Indy's) for Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer. Both notorious, invincible bad-asses. I know, I know. Chuck Norris? Well, it was his thang back in the day. Never quite understood why. Maybe the beard, the jeans with the stretchy crotch (officially branded "Chuck Norris Kickin' Jeans"), or the workout machine he advertises with Christie Brinkley.

Yes, this list is contradictory to the Indy we know and love. But it's still a fun list. I'm all for it.

I personally believe one of the biggest problems with modern heroes is their invincibility. Too super-human. Jack Bauer, Ethan Hunt, Jason Bourne (Seriously? Matt Damon?), and the list goes on and on.

Like you, I love Indy because he gets his butt kicked, terribly, all the time. (But I'm still enjoying this list...)

* Indiana Jones is so bad-ass, he took Chuck Norris's and Jack Bauer's lists and made them his own.

 

[Stoo]

I've seen this list (practically the same as Indy's) for Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer. Both notorious, invincible bad-asses. I know, I know. Chuck Norris? Well, it was his thang back in the day. Never quite understood why. Maybe the beard, the jeans with the stretchy crotch (officially branded "Chuck Norris Kickin' Jeans"), or the workout machine he advertises with Christie Brinkley.

Correct me if I'm wrong but, to my knowledge, this type of list started with nonsense about Chuck Norris from kids of the '80s generation once they had access to the internet in the mid-'90s. I remember a friend telling me about this Chuck-Norris-is business and wondering why? WHY? His movies were garbage. Who loved these sh*t movies enough to start these stupid lists? Only G_d knows...

Like you, I love Indy because he gets his butt kicked, terribly, all the time. (But I'm still enjoying this list...)

* Indiana Jones is so bad-ass, he took Chuck Norris's and Jack Bauer's lists and made them his own.

Enjoy all you want, goodeknight, my dear friend, but I find it not only dumb & low-brow but nauseating, too!

I'm happy to say that I have no clue as to who 'Jack Bauer' is...and (judging from this thread) I don't want to know!

 

[russds]

I'm happy to say that I have no clue as to who 'Jack Bauer' is...and (judging from this thread) I don't want to know!

You may want to give 24 a try, it was a pretty awesome show. I loved it, and I don't like many tv shows. seasons 2-5 were the best, outside of that your mileage may very.

 

[Stoo]

You may want to give 24 a try, it was a pretty awesome show. I loved it, and I don't like many tv shows. seasons 2-5 were the best, outside of that your mileage may very.

Is that who Jack Bauer is? Thanks, Russ. I have seen the 1st season of "24" but nothing more than that and didn't remember the name of Kiefer's character. Great show!

Kiefer's dad (Donald Sutherland) is from Montreal and still lives in the area. I've been to his house.

---
On topic:
Indy is such an invincible "badass" that he allowed himself to be locked into the trunk of a car.

 

[Mickiana]

Indiana Jones is so great, he makes great look bad!

 

[I Don Quixote]

Oh Stoo. You're such a buzzkill. This is just for fun! C'mon! We all know Indy has his faults and is as human as the next guy. We're all just goofin' around and having some fun.

SO....
Quit ruining the fun and let people be as (un)creative as they want.

 

[Stoo]

Oh Stoo. You're such a buzzkill. This is just for fun! C'mon! We all know Indy has his faults and is as human as the next guy. We're all just goofin' around and having some fun.

SO....
Quit ruining the fun and let people be as (un)creative as they want.

Go for it, my dear Donna! Have all the fun you want and don't let my comments stop you.

But I'll leave you with this:
The invincible, "bad-ass" Indiana Jones was punched in the face by a woman! (and he learned a lesson from that punch!)

 

[Gear]

I remember a friend telling me about this Chuck-Norris-is business and wondering why? WHY? His movies were garbage. Who loved these sh*t movies enough to start these stupid lists? Only G_d knows...

That's the beauty of it. Chuck's films and such are so corny, that it propells him to the edges of EPICNESS. So epic, in fact, that Homer and Zeus used to have wet dreams about Chuck Norris... until he destroyed them both and then spoketh "No homo."

 

[I Don Quixote]

Ok, then! Thanks, Stoo.

When Mutt met Indy, he secretly realized his place in the world: As Indy's footstool.

More later. I gotta go think.

 

[Goodeknight]

Enjoy all you want, goodeknight, my dear friend, but I find it not only dumb & low-brow but nauseating, too!

Stoo, your nausea makes this thread even more fun! Keep posting to it!!

* Indy is so awesome, he could make Mutt cool.

 

[Stoo]

That's the beauty of it. Chuck's films and such are so corny, that it propells him to the edges of EPICNESS. So epic, in fact,...

Re. Epicness & Epic: You hipsters need to start using a better term.

Stoo, your nausea makes this thread even more fun! Keep posting to it!!

Bwa-ha! If you insist.

FACT: Indiana Jones is so stupid and uneducated, he can't even pronounce the word, 'Thuggee', properly. (Some "expert on the occult" he is! )

 

[I Don Quixote]

FACT: Indiana Jones is so stupid and uneducated, he can't even pronounce the word, 'Thuggee', properly. (Some "expert on the occult" he is! )

Hmmm... that sounds a bit strange coming from you. A bit insulting, but all in good fun I suppose.

Please, continue.

 

[Stoo]

Hmmm... that sounds a bit strange coming from you. A bit insulting, but all in good fun I suppose.

It's meant to be insulting. Dr. Jones is supposed to be an expert but he says the word incorrectly. What kind of an "expert" is he? Think of the ridiculously large number of people who continue to mispronounce the word because of Indiana Jones.

In this case, Indiana Jones isn't a 'badass', he's a DUMBASS!

 

[Mickiana]

And he did say "libary" in CS. BUT he's still awesome. So awesome in fact that he can accelerate over 100km/hr before reaching 100 km/hr!

 

[Gear]

Re. Epicness & Epic: You hipsters need to start using a better term.

If epic pwnage has a term, it must be...


INDIANA JONES.

 

[ROB98374]

Disney only bought Lucasfilm because Indiana Jones allowed it. (And he wanted to **** off Stoo for calling him a dumbass!)

 

[I Don Quixote]

Disney only bought Lucasfilm because Indiana Jones allowed it. (And he wanted to **** off Stoo for calling him a dumbass!)

Ooohh... nice one!